“Anger can be identified and managed”- 19 August 2012


Q. My elder sister is short tempered and picks up an argument on trivial matters. She vents out her anger by throwing things (even a cell-phone) and doesn’t care how much ever valuable it is. We are really concerned about this behaviour as she is an adult now but doesn’t behave in a mature way. We even tried once to speak to her about it but that made her more upset. But she is otherwise a sensitive, caring and loving girl. My parents are really worried. Please guide us.

Ans. This is abnormal behaviour. Anger however is a normal emotion but when it begins to get out of control then something needs to be done. Your concern is right about the behaviour of your sister and that she has less control over her anger. Counselling helps in the management of anger and other negative accompanying emotions. We also need to diagnose the problem first and find out the causes of anger for there could be many reasons for anger. Once the causes are identified the treatment becomes easy.


Q. I am a 2nd year engineering student. I am in pain now-a-days as I do not find my family supportive to me. I want to do big things and how could it be possible without support of my parents? Please tell something to sort out this problem. I am frustrated.

Ans. Big things could mean different things to different people. Perhaps your parents do not agree with your big plans for some reasons- either they feel you are indulging in unrealistic thinking, which means that you talk big but do not perform or work accordingly to show results and your parents may be disagreeing with you due to their past experience. Another reason could be their assessment of your competencies and feel that you may fail in future although you may be good today. Another reason could be their financial condition where they disagree to spend as much for your dreams and big plans. For every big dream resources of various types are required and they may not want to exert themselves. So make a long term plan of making it big in future on the basis of your own hard work, dedication and commitment. Go step by step and you will succeed. Do not depend on anyone if they are not willing. Change your plans and your expectations from others.

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Q. I am a clerk in bank. I have two seniors in my office (both ladies). The moment I sit on my chair every day I don’t feel like working. My main job is of cashier. It keeps on going into my mind that though I work so much and so sincerely still I am paid so less. My terms with my seniors are not good. I want to get involved in everything that is going in the branch but I’m kept apart from all those things. Earlier it was not so (a year before). The situation got adverse after the second (lady) came into our branch. She keeps on back biting against me. I thought ok that is not a big issue as my work speaks more than words. So keep doing your work and one day you will excel, but all in vain. Neither the branch manager ask any thing nor my problem is getting solved. Even I gave many exams to be an officer but couldn’t qualify. Day by day it is becoming more painful for me. Being in a customer based profession I need to be good with them but due to my irritation and disturbed mind it is not so. Everyday I go to my office with a hope that today the situation might improve but I return home and again with a locked jaw and a heavy heart. Please guide me madam to help my- self.

Ans. Accept the situation as it is and stop expecting that things will change overnight. Another thing is to understand the situation and the second lady and her needs and try to find a way out for your problems. For the moment you must keep your mind calm and focused on the job and not on the other lady. You could try to qualify for the exam again and work hard for that so that you get promoted. Your need to do better in life is a good one but your desire to get involved in all the affairs of the branch may be unrealistic as per your post and position in the branch. Politics of human relations is a reality in all institutions and you may learn how to handle it or dodge it and keep happy.

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