Author: rita.aggarwal@gmail.com

She is quite a deadly creature. She is a source of anxiety for brides to be. She is an object of terror for the girl’s mama and family. She has dominated the scene for several generations. She has successfully maligned the image of all mamas’ who have boys and continues to maintain the image steadfastly. This is unfortunate. For, there could be good mamas too but they fade away in front of the bad models. I have no statistics to prove which type of mama is in the majority but even if they are in a minority they hit the mind with their ferociousness. Even if one bride is burnt the stereotyped image of the Lalita Pawar mother-in-law threateningly springs out of our collective unconscious. The stereotype is menacingly deep rooted and not without a reason.

…Continue readingBoy’s Mama- an unholy stereotype – 21 Oct 2009

The psychological effects of infertility are disastrous on women. If the couple desirous of starting a family does not conceive for a year or two the frustration begins. Along with the frustration comes worry and anxiety. Will I conceive or won’t I –the question begin to haunt the woman. She not only worries for her own biological inability to have a child but also begins to feel guilty about not begetting a child for her husband and his family as well. What will happen if there is no progeny- how will the family name continue is a condition that torments her? The genetic lineage should not stop. This trauma could become the top most priority for many couples and some women have left their jobs to focus entirely on conceiving by available medical interventions. The long drawn and physically invasive procedures for in-vitro fertilisation can also be a psychological drain for the woman. For, there is no certainty that she would conceive positively at the first attempt or even after the second.

…Continue readingThe curse of infertility – 07 Oct 2009

Women have the habit of bottling up emotions and then bursting out. The bursting out at the end of the limits of tolerance is then like a volcanic eruption which throws up hot burning lava which can destroy everything beautiful around you. Nothing survives unfortunately. In human experience such an analogy takes a few interesting forms. Let’s look at Ms. Pranali for an example. An introvert by nature she was married to the eldest son of a reputed business family. He turned out to be extroverted and dominating by nature. Although he never abused or exploited her he did not spend enough time with her. He shouldered the entire responsibility of the family which was large enough and was practical by nature. She was romantic and sensitive and less social. The mother in law ran the show at home and was in control. There were misunderstandings between Pranali and her mother-in-law as Pranali was not very communicative and did not express her feelings. She tried explaining some things to her husband who brushed it off as minor issues. She developed a good rapport with the younger brother-in-law but that was lost after he married. The other two wives of the younger brothers-in-law were smarter than her and she felt dominated by both. She eventually could not develop a healthy relationship with the members of the family and felt victimised by their politics. One day she attempted suicide but was saved in time. That’s when the family suffered a rude shock. They however failed to understand the reasons for such a drastic action. Everything was good. What went wrong?

…Continue readingBottling up – 23 Sep 2009

I am happily amazed at the healthy response to my earlier articles on ‘mothering’. One gentleman wrote he has started subscribing to ‘The Hitavada’ due to my articles. One mother wanted more insights into faulty mothering so that she could improve her skills. Such an honest response was touching and perhaps women can do more often than men. I am extremely honoured and grateful for the affection shown by the readers. I am aware by now that men too read my columns in the women’s world!

…Continue readingModern Mothering – teaching boys to cook and girls to earn – 09 Sep 2009