Q. I am a 9th standard student and I am not able to concentrate on my studies. In my last exam I did not do well and my parents and teachers are unhappy with me. I think I got diverted and distracted by social media and a girl home I liked very much. We used to talk a lot. My parents came to know about my friendship and they told me to stop all communication with her. I think of her a lot and miss talking to her. I am generally a good student and a rank holder in my class. My parents are proud of me and have high expectations from me from my career point of view. My bad results have upset me a great deal and I feel it has affected my levels of confidence also. I do not know how to motivate myself and gear up for studies. I sometimes feel I am a little depressed and upset with my life. Please help.
Ans. You have analyzed your own problem very well. Awareness of your life situation is half the struggle won. You know who you are, your strengths and your weaknesses. You also know what caused the bad results in spite of being a good student always. Once you are aware of the reasons, control them one by one. The one aspect which may be causing the lack of motivation and mild sense of low mood is the emotional emptiness or loneliness you are feeling due to ban on communication with your girl-friend by your parents. Can you find a solution to that? Social media you can curb, curtail or give up entirely. The friendship is a strong reason for your mental state. Find a way out for that. Talk to your parents and see if you can strike a deal with them. Get into sports and physical activity. Make more friends with boys. Read good books you enjoy. There are ways to motivate yourself. Set high goals and dream big. If the low mood persists then come for a session of counselling.
Q. I am a working professional and live in another city in South India. I belong to Nagpur and I have a friend in Nagpur and we want to marry each other. The problem is that she is the only child of her parents and they do not want to send her outside the city and want to marry somebody who lives in the city of Nagpur. I love my job and I am doing extremely well in my career, it would be improper and incorrect to leave my job and shift to city of Nagpur where I feel the opportunities for my career are few and not as good as I am today. My dilemma is I cannot leave the girl and I cannot leave my job as well. We have been steady for some years now and we understand each other very well. She is also in a dilemma as to what to do regarding parents demand. She also has a job in Nagpur and is qualified enough to get better jobs outside in bigger cities. But her parents do not leave her to move out and get emotional about it. That’s where she gets pulled down.
Ans. Parents have a tendency to dominate and control your life even when you are an adult. They test your patience and determination about your own goals and life. It is up to you and of course her to make choices and take decisions. You need to assert and help her be bold and assertive too. South India is part of India within easy access! Both of you need to plan it out, take help of elders in the family, friends, move her to your city and plan for the marriage. Convince them with repeated attempts or else take the plunge! Many parents concede once action has been taken. Parents should not be selfish enough to put obstacles in the professional and personal growth of their child. They have enjoyed their own life in their own way and should allow children to fly high. After all parents nurture children to give them wings, then how can they clip the wings of growth! My advice would be to FLY AWAY!