“Know your mind” 6 November 2022


Q. I need some help regarding a query. I’ll get straight to the point. So, I am 18 years old and I am in a relationship since 2 years. One day, my mom found out and I told her that he is just a friend. And she threatened me to stop talking to him just because he comes from a lower middle class family. I told her I won’t talk to him. But I am still in touch with him and we meet a very few times. We are in a long distance relationship right now. Yesterday my mom caught me talking on phone and she is suspicious about it. But if I will tell her, she might do something to the guy I am in a relationship with. That is the reason I am not telling her. I am very serious about my studies and career. So far, I have done brilliant in academics. According to her, this is wrong, I shouldn’t be with him since he is from a lower middle class background. I don’t know what should I do. Please help me out regarding this.

Ans. This is a personal choice and decision you will have to make. Society is divided into different cultural and religious identities since centuries. In friendships and social networks, we happily accept the diversity and co-exist with them. When it comes to personal life, such as marriage and family, the matter takes a different colour, for inter-caste and inter-religious alliances require a huge amount of adjustments in terms of attitude, norms of daily living and behaviour. The food habits, clothes, life-style, habits and rituals, religious practices are different for each community. There is a certain level of comfort in your own community. Yet inter-caste and inter-religious marriages are on the rise and people are making a success of it. We are still not talking about deep-rooted biases and prejudices that we harbour in our conscious and unconscious minds about different castes and communities. What your Mother is reflecting is a deep-seated bias. She is afraid that your friendship will become serious and lead to more than friendship. Therefore, she has shown her displeasure and disapproval for the same. Now, you have to think through the issue and make a decision which will help you control your thoughts and actions. If you want to follow or break traditional norms, be clear about it. If it is just friendship, maintain the limits of your behaviour.    

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