“Bad relationships can damage the psyche”- 23 March 2014

S.L

Q. I am 27 year old working in a bank. I am in a relationship with a guy from last six years. He is an engineer. Now my parents think about my marriage I told this my boyfriend but he told me that he can’t marry with me. He told me reasons that he has lot of responsibility, that his sister’s marriage is to be done. Actually he lost his father last year and his mother also suffers with breast cancer. I told him that I am ready to wait for him. I also told him that I and my parents are ready to help him in all situations but he also told me problem of caste as we are from different caste. He is not ready to marry with me. I love him a lot please help me.

Ans. This is really unfortunate for you. After being steady for six long years he brings up the caste issue. This is amazingly conservative. Did he make this issue clear to you earlier? His other family responsibilities are understandable and your parents are also willing to help him out. But he brings up the caste card. Either he is using this to say no to you or he is under the pressure of his mother. Either way he wants to get rid of you after six years or he has no guts. Either way it seems that he is not worth the trouble. A man who cannot make commitments and cannot stand up to his promises is no good. You cannot change people if they don’t want to change and you cannot help them if they don’t want your help. The sooner you left him the better. Detach yourself from him and find another partner –request your parents to search one for you. The past is over and the past is always as good as it lasts. Blame yourself for not recognising his true colours. Blame yourself for falling for a man like him.

S.C

Q. I am not very comfortable talking to women. I don’t know why? But I blush at heart most time I talk with them. My confidence lacks when I am near them. What should I do to increase confidence and talk fluently with women? How do I overcome emotional problems because I am sensitive person and a coward. Recently I chatted with Alia Bhatt and learnt a lot from her. But what should I do to have strong heart from a tender heart?
Ans. Communication with the opposite sex is something people learn as kids. Those who go to coeducational schools are comfortable interacting with the other sex. Perhaps you never learnt the art of being with them in a normal way and of treating them as a normal human being. Change your attitude of looking at them as any other human being and not as someone special. Of course now at this stage you might need a few classes to build up your skills. You could start slowly by just saying hello to begin with and then gradually learn conversation step by step. We could help you with a few sessions of training and counselling. It is not impossible and can be learnt.

AB

Q. I met with a guy from six months. He's in my college and lives near my house. Actually he had break-up with his ex girl friend. Now he says he's in love with me, 

but I don’t know what to do? I like him and don’t know my feelings about him. He keeps asking me lots of questions about love and marriage. He confuses me a lot. 

I never had a boy friend before and my parents will kill me if they found out. What should I do?

Ans. Keep away if you want to lead a happy and hassle free life. These love entanglements are a troublesome area to handle. Better to be safe and peaceful. Since he has had a breakup with his girl friend he is now in love with you. He seems to be falling in love at the drop of a hat. That itself speaks of his character. He might make friends with you on an impulse and then breakup after sometime elapses. There are some people who must always be in love with one or another! Focus on your career and study well. Make healthy friends and be in their company. Enjoy your college life.