“Bad relationships can do terrific harm”- 15 September 2013


Q. I am an 18 year old girl and off late, I am having problem to concentrate on my studies and I also get distracted and influenced very easily.  All this is happening for the past nearly one year. I am having these weird, repulsive thoughts that I am becoming fearful about everything and anything. I always think of the worst that could happen to me or my loved ones. As these thoughts are very repetitive in nature I have started doubting myself as what if I do something wrong or something that I find disgusting or something like that happens to me. Because of all this I don’t trust myself. I always feel sick, dull and gloomy. I don’t feel like socializing with people. I hope you would be able to help me with this problem.

Ans. This type of problem needs treatment and will not go away with will power and self control. Your problem could be an obsessive anxiety about certain things which keeps getting repeated in your mind and troubles you. You feel it might go out of control and you might land up doing something obnoxious. That may not happen- it is only a fear. Please inform your parents that you need to consult a psychologist and we will guide you thereafter. Request them that it is urgent and needs treatment. Meanwhile try as much to think positive thoughts and to indulge in good activities, like hobbies. Try not to give too much attention to your weird thoughts and let them be as they are.


Q. I am an engineering graduate girl working from last 2 years. I was in relationship with a guy from last 3 years when I was studying, he was my classmate. Before 2 years when my parents came to know about this, they called that guy and asked him to marry me but he refused to marry me at that time and during three years he literally used me and many worst things happened. I can’t reveal here and then he left me. Now I am totally shattered and I want to commit suicide, he ditched me very badly that I could not forget. We are not in contact from 3 months now. I don’t want to live with such bitter experience, I try to recover but I can’t. Was it my mistake to trust him blindly? What to do?

Ans. Bad relationships can do a lot of harm and can traumatise your mind. But there are psychological remedies for that. A sew sessions of counselling will help you recover from your depression and trauma. No situation is big enough to call for death and suicide. You are a highly educated girl and financially independent too. You would lead a good healthy life if you can learn a few positive lessons in managing your emotions and yourself. Please do not despair. Make good girl friends, develop some hobbies, do regular physical exercise and work hard on your job. Avoid men and friendships with them. Stay away for some time till you feel confident.


Q. I am a 20 year old pursuing my B.Tech in computer science. During the recent campus recruitment in our college I got placed in one of the companies and I was the first girl with a job offer in our college. But I am least interested in joining the company for my own reasons and to add to my woes I am not allowed to appear for the rest of the recruitment procedures in the campus as per our college rules. I am now totally confused and clueless about what I should plan next. I thought of getting my post graduation done once I am done with my UG programme as my father thinks it might be helpful to find a job as a lecturer. As far as I am concerned I am attracted to MBA programmes as well but the fear of not qualifying in the respective exams keeps me away from preparing for the same. At times I even think of preparing for UPSC exams. I know I might be sounding foolish. I hope you understand how confused I am. I now fear the next moment. I don’t know what I should be doing next since I didn’t find an acceptable solution even after discussing with many. People have already begun mocking me. I hope you’ll help me realize what I exactly crave for.

Ans. Confusion about planning a career is quite normal as there are many choices and opportunities and therefore making one becomes difficult. As a career counsellor we help you understand your aspirations, your motivations, personality that would suit the best possible line of growth. That helps students decide their career line and take an appropriate decision. I will be able to help you only when I know more details about you and your needs. It is okay to have many choices in mind and then chose the right one.


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