“Be a volunteer and be purposefully employed”- 21 January 2018

Q. I am 24 years male. I am in love with my cousin. I feel terrible to even say this but it happened two years back when we met. She has no clue that I have these feelings and I know I am not supposed to feel this way but I couldn’t help. She is very pretty and kind. I love her. She is not my first cousin but she is somehow related to my family. I feel so madly in love and I have no control over my emotions. I feel that something might go wrong if my parents know about it. I respect my parents and even what they have thought me. I am from Hindu background so I know this can never happen. Please suggest me how to get over it.

Ans. Oh dear! Let it be part of your secret recesses of your mind and let it not be ever known to her or to the public. Let it not come to your lips ever. Keep it safely locked in your heart and throw away the key. Be good to her and help her whenever you can but start looking at her as a sister if you can. Never make this your choice for romance. She is part of your extended family and treat her as such. You will unnecessarily create a chaos in the family and upset everyone with your emotions. So change the colour of your emotions.

Q. I am 28 years old female. I think I am a lesbian and I like girls. I think it all started when I was young and going through adolescence. Till the time I reached at age of 18 I knew I like girls and I prefer being with them. Even my parents know about it and they think I am doing sins if I be with girl. I also want to get married to a girl but where I live people think of it as a taboo and they say all the bad things about me which don’t bother me but they do bother my parents. I love my parents a lot and I don’t want them to feel shy because of me but I can’t imagine myself being married to a guy if that happens I will kill myself and die. I don’t want to do this. I think my parents should talk to counsellor and know that this is normal thing and nothing is wrong with my mentality.
Ans. Yes, you should first come for a session of counselling and then bring your parents too. Let us first understand the problem in detail and come to a conclusion before we declare it to your parents. You may want to try counselling to change your orientations and give it a serious try. You may be bisexual for all you know.

Q. I am 58 years old man. I was working as a teacher. It was very good. My life was amazing everyone used to respect me and love my work.  I got praised everywhere I went. My students used to come up to me for every little problem but then I got retired. Now I stay at home with nothing to do. I have no work. I feel bored. I feel like this boredom is only my partner now. Even my wife passed away few years ago. I don’t understand what to do. I have no work but still I have money which I saved while working and that will be sufficient for my life time. What should I do I get all the negative thoughts and I do everything. How can I make myself busy and make this negative thinking go away?

Ans. My opinion is that active people never retire and should not too. They should actively contribute to society either with monetary returns or without returns. They have wisdom and experience on their side and also enjoy good health for many years after retirement at 58 years of age. You are young, active, energetic and a teacher by profession which means you have knowledge of a specific subject. Use that knowledge for the benefit of other, may be kids in the neighbourhood. You could start coaching children free of cost or with a small fee. As the activity grows you could raise your fee. You could also contribute your time as a volunteer to a social work organisation on a specific project of your choice. Lots of social work organisations need volunteers for their projects. You could also start a educational activity in the slum areas free of cost. There are many schools run by the local corporation and you approach them. Once you are gainfully employed your negative thoughts will automatically vanish! Best of luck to you!.

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