“Be grateful to them”- 30 October 2016.

FK

Q. I am a student of final year diploma in civil engineering. I was very sharp in studies up to my high school, but now I can’t concentrate on it. This is most crucial year (final year) of my educational and future life as I need to score very high here to get a reputed institute for my further studies. My score in a recent class test series was very poor. Now I am badly depressed thinking about my future. I have lost all my self confidence. My family, relatives, friends have high expectations from me. My friends are also motivating me, but to no avail. Now I have got less than a month to go for my final exams. I got big fear of exams after all this. I am badly depressed, totally lost my self confidence. I am trying to recover but mentally I am unable. Hopefully you will give me solution. Please help me out ma’am.

Ans. Your mind is gripped with fear due to your poor performance. You might be aspiring for admission into engineering course after your diploma. And certainly you would good marks for admission into engineering. That is your source for anxiety. It is a realistic situation that you are facing and puts a question on your future career if you do not get admitted. One way would to relax your anxieties and concentrate and take help of a good tutor. Another thing to do would be to think of other options such as joining the Indian Institute of Engineers (IIE) and appear for their exams. They issue diplomas that are equivalent to a degree. A third alternative is to go for an aptitude test to ascertain your areas of talent and abilities to know which career line is the most suitable for your aptitude. Since you were a good student in high school and are going down in results in diploma course, you may be unsuited for an engineering programme. Your abilities may lie elsewhere. This is only a thought which needs to be verified by an aptitude test.

AS

Q. I am again in a need of your help. I am a very emotional person. Small things hurt me a lot.  But I never cry in front of any one. I always use my washroom for crying my heart out. My best friends are books and my diary. I am not introverted. But, I don’t like display of my emotions in a world where nobody cares. My father who remarried after my mother’s death doesn’t live with me.  But he was in contact with me from 3 years. But now suddenly what happened to him I don’t know from two months he has not contacted me. He always does this from time to time. Now I am fed up and I am hating him for neglecting me like this. My maternal family is very good and they are taking best care of me. But I feel that my father also should help in my expenses. Whenever he comes to meet in (in 5-6 months) he brings at teddy bear for me, this humiliates me in front of my maternal family. I mean who gives a 17 year old girl a teddy bear? What should I do madam? I feel alone and neglected by him. I feel like an orphan. I want to become a psychologist but now I can’t even help myself. I don’t want to show my depressed side to my maternal family as this can upset them. Please guide me.
Ans. Your father still has the image of you when he left you at your maternal relative home it seems! Since he does not interact with you regularly he does not register in his mind your growth and development into a young adult. However it is a strange behaviour when a father does not recognise and acknowledge your age! Just laugh it off instead of getting angry but so please tell him your age and ask him how to play with a teddy. You could instead ask for a more appropriate gift of your choice. That will make it easy for him and for you. The second thing is to love your maternal relatives who look after you and never to feel like an orphan. Appreciate and respect them for what they do for you and not to think of ‘what they do not do for you’. The same goes for your father. Under the circumstances the best choice you have is to make a good career for yourself by focusing on studies and controlling your emotions by suppressing them and ignoring them. It is difficult but not impossible. It can be done with discipline and single focus on career building.