“Introverts are different”- 23 October 2016
Q. I’m a final year student and I am facing a problem where I feel like my college friends act all sweet with me to my face and then the minute I go away they start talking about me behind my back. I already face problems with my self confidence and this does only makes it worse and makes me doubt myself more. This upsets me very much and I don’t like going to college all that much because of this. Every time I leave I keep thinking and stressing over what they might be saying about me. Because of this I work myself up to such a point that I make myself sick or keep making excuses not to go to college. My parents keep getting worried and upset because I’m falling sick so often and missing college. I don’t even go out much because of this? What do I do?
Ans. Yes this can happen where a group or gang can bully you and make you feel miserable. It happens in all institutions and groups that some gangs dominate and bully others specially the weak ones. An alternative explanation to this can be that you might be ‘feeling’ like this but may not be true all the time. It may have happened once with you and you may have developed this fear of being teased and ridiculed behind your back. You should start going to college and do not bother until and unless people say things on your face and to you directly. Let them talk behind your back as much as they like. If you still feel insecure come for a session of counselling.
Q. My friends keep telling me things about their personal lives and problems and expect me to tell them about mine too. I’m not the type who shares too much about my personal life with someone unless I’m absolutely comfortable with them. However they feel like it’s their right to know since they told me their problems and get offended when I don’t tell them. This makes me feel like I should tell them what’s going on even though it’s none of their business only because I’m scared of losing them as friends. But they should also realize that when a person is not comfortable talking about things you shouldn’t force them. How do I get this to stop?
Ans. Introverts do not like to share their problems unless they are very close to the people. Extroverts do not mind sharing themselves. What you could do to continue your friendship with them since you want to be accepted in the group is to share something which is less sensitive and emotional for you. You could pick an incident which does not talk of intimate facts but some home or school episodes which you do not mind sharing. Sharing is important in the group as it reflects trust and closeness but being cautious and wary is right too. Do not reveal too much!
Q. I’m a 12th std student doing science, however if feel the stress to be too much and I can’t concentrate on my studies. I also keep falling sick very often. I’m so scared about what’s going to happen in my boards. I don’t want to let my parents or family members down. How to get myself to calm down and not stress out every time I sit down to study?
Ans. This is an unfortunate situation where you have chosen subjects for which you do not have the required aptitude. You should have taken science in the first place and should have opted for something else. Even now it is not too late. You could appear for your 12 std and try to pass the examinations. Then after that you would have to opt for another course of study of your liking as well as matching your aptitude. For that we would need a discussion with your parents and conduct an aptitude test to know your talent areas and abilities. You should have planned that in 10 Std itself. But even it is not too late for you have yet to get into the right kind of course and college. Inform your parents right now that after 12 Std you would be leaving science and choosing something else. They should be prepared for that and they should know that you are stressing yourself out with science subjects. I am sure that you have talent in some other field and could make a great career elsewhere. However, in the meantime do some meditation to calm and relax your mind and do your best. Come for a session for meditation, we will train you in it.