“Be your own guardian”- 6 November 2011

S. N

Q. I always think negative about everyone I come across be it my close friends, my sister, my parents, my beloved. I don’t trust them easily and I always think they are playing some tricks on me or lying or being fake towards me. Because of this I behave rudely with them and speak out harsh words. I also know that I am wrong at most of the times and want to get rid of such kind of my behavior. Please guide me and let me know how to overcome my negativity and show love towards the people
Ans. You could be excessively and unnecessarily suspicious of others at home. It is good that you have begun to realize this negative thinking process of you and are willing to change it. Another reason could be your unpleasant past experiences with the family members which could be bothering you every now and then and then it sparks off your negative thinking towards these people. Whatever may be the causes you should try to resolve your negative thoughts by testing the veracity of such thoughts and then turning them positive. There is a method for doing this. Try it –if it does not work come for a few sessions of counseling.

Anonymous.

Q. I am in a serious problem. My mind is totally getting off- it’s about my parents relationship. From day one of their marriage my father has some other kind of relationship with other ladies. Since my mother has caught him 2-3 times and after that she has become strong in her sixth sense, this behaviour of my father still continues even after 25 year of marriage. He is sharp and plays brain games- he do things and pretend like he has done nothing. This situation is getting worse day by day and my parents keep fighting with each other at every minute- the peace of family is vanished. Sometimes they abuse each other, also at the same time my mother doesn’t want to listen anything. Her mind has become out, controversies between them has increased a lot. She don’t want to leave my father and at the same time they keep fighting like anything. Our home is getting very disturbed with this all. Kindly suggest what can I do to take out them from this all- my mother don’t want to trust him anymore. Please help me out what should I do?
Ans. It is bad to live in a dysfunctional home where parents fight and hate each other. On the other hand children should not take sides (with the parents) as a matter of principle and live their own lives. Another fact is that as a child you should not interfere with the lives of grown- ups and should not try to solve their problems. The only option left is to focus on your own career and make the best use of whatever your parents have to offer you in terms of resources. If love and emotional support is missing then at least they provide material benefits to you. You will soon enough leave home and lead your own life. The only suggestion you could give your parents is to consult a good marriage counselor for their problems.

A.R

Q. I am now in 11th std. I was in a depression when I was in 9th Std. In that condition I have attempted suicide 2 – 3 times but somehow I survived. I don’t know sometimes why my mom used to behave with me so badly that I really unable to accept it. Just before a day she had tell me to do something but I refused to do it. She remains silent for an hour and when I was just taking meal she said you just eat and get fat. I am giving you a poison just eat it and go to hell. Because of only these I have suicide she know these but besides asking me a reason she always said I don’t have a faith in you. My Papa is also not good they have a tension of their work which they used to leave by frowning on me. Sometimes they behave me in such a good manner that my eyes could not believe it. So because of all these I feel very lonely. Sometimes I don’t have such a best friend to whom I can share my problems. Please suggest me something.

Ans. Your mother might be suffering from some kind of mental illness and would need psychological and medical treatment. Once you understand this fact seriously, then you should control your negative emotions and try to be happy with whatever life has to offer. Once you look at your mother as a ‘patient’ with some sort of illness you will realize that whatever she does is not normal. Her behavior is abnormal. So keep your cool and maintain positivism in spite of all odds and focus on career building. You must be your own caretaker. Be brave and bold. Be achievement oriented.