Body does not define personality – 11 July 2010

Preeti (via email)

Q. I am 18 years old. I find it difficult to focus on things unless I find it really interesting. I am not able to concentrate as I am quite depressed because of my 12th standard results. I always use to think about something else when I am studying and didn’t understand what I am reading and writing and I am short tempered and I get upset by the things soon. I do self studies as I find it difficult to grasp things at school and that’s affected my academics. Please soon try to help me otherwise I will destroy my future.

. It is important to be interested in a subject before you can pursue it seriously. Plan your career well and find out in what areas your aptitude and interest lie and then choose a program of studies. Do not just jump into what your friends are doing or what your elders push you into. It is all about your life and your happiness. If you are seriously interested in building a career and going to work then please spend a lot of time thinking about what you like doing. If you are confused seek a career consultant and take guidance. Everyone can build a bright future provided they know what they want to do and then do it. 

Anonymous Girl (via email)

Q. I have been reading your columns since I was a young girl. I have a big problem. I love a guy who loves me more than his life. I am just 16 years old, just now I passed class 10th. I topped in my school. He is also nice in studies. Actually I am confused whether I am cheating my parents and the same is with him also. We both respect our parents so much but I can’t leave him. I even can’t discuss this with my parents as they are not so friendly and old minded. We both do not create any problem in each others career. Now I am going outside for preparing for my entrance exams. I have a fear if this distance will create distance in our love though I trust him so much. I need your suggestion but please don’t say me to leave him because I love him and I trust him more than my life. He is my best friend.

Ans. You are lucky you have a friend and that you understand each other well enough not to interfere in each other’s career pursuits. You could always keep the friendship even from a long distance. It is always good to be frank and honest with parents but it is also not a sin to have a friend. If you are not planning to commit any immoral act, such as, running away from home or any such silly thing, then it is perfectly alright to have a friend and keep him too. Best friends are a treasure and difficult to find. 

Jesie (via email)

Q. I am 28 years old. I am a post graduate and searching for a job but haven’t got yet. The problem is I don’t feel confident when I go for any interview. I have an ugly birth mark on my face and I have done treatments but it wasn’t 100% effective. Due to this I look very ugly. I also don’t want to get social because whenever I see happy and content people around living their life to the fullest and enjoying every moment, I get thoughts that I am only unlucky girl in this world. I am very sad. I have very low self-esteem. From last two months I have been doing some meditation and reading spiritual books. It heals me temporary but again I go into that trance of sadness. Why I am facing so many problems in life? Is it because of my “Past life Karma”? Please tell me how to increase self confidence? And what is the key to happiness? I am very frustrated.

Ans. You have a problem with your body image as the scar on your face haunts you. What was your experience with your peers in school and college as you have a post graduate degree and are old enough to have undergone many experiences of life? You must have realized that scars attract an initial attention from strangers and once they get to know you as a person they begin to like your good qualities and accept your scar as part of you. A personality does not get defined totally by bodily attributes but gets defined more by personal and mental strengths and skills. Do not limit yourself because of your scar. Build up your mental strengths and your personality and learn to face life boldly and squarely. Life is a challenge for all and more for some.

Published in The Hitavada Emotions 11 July 2010

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