“Bridge the cultural gap”-10 April 2011
Q. I am a Software Engineer. I am 25 years old. I love a girl since 5 years- she was my co-staff. Four years ago I proposed her- that time she rejected me because I am not good looking. Now we are good friends. I always think about her, I know that she can’t become my girlfriend. Sometime she calls me whenever she needs my help. Now I want to forget everything about her. I feel depressed. What should I do? Please guide me to come out.
Ans. If you think you are fairly settled in your life and career you could think of getting married. You could ask your parents to arrange it for you –they will be happy to search for a suitable bride for you. You are a qualified engineer and working too – looks do not matter in the long run. It’s your personality qualities and your charm that matter most- how you think about yourself, your life and the world that matters the most. Always think positive about yourself, your life and its opportunities and lead your life with a balanced head rather than an emotional one! Think practically about your life and your needs and get yourself a good sensible wife and make a happy life together.
Q. I am a 20 year old guy. My problem is that I feel inferior to people who are-
-taller than me; those scoring more marks than me; those who can outsmart me in talking. Now the effect of this is that I cannot be myself in front of such people. I start to get conscious and begin to lose my charm. Please help me find a way out of this.
Ans. You have rightly stated it that you ‘begin to get conscious and to lose your charm’. This happens when you think negatively in your mind about yourself in comparison to the other about whom you think positively. This thought brings down your self esteem and confidence in front of people who are taller, better in performance, and verbally expressive. What you should do is a little different. Instead of taking other people’s positives as a point of comparison and jealousy take it as a point of motivation and challenge and set your goals for improvement. The point of physical height is beyond your control so just accept yourself as you are. Many geniuses come in small packages, like the mighty Sachin Tendulkar, to name one such genius! The point of scoring more marks can be achieved with hard work and so can you improve your verbal expressions. You could practice the art of speaking and communicating your thoughts and you will one day achieve it. These are achievable goals and anyone can do it.
Q. I am an 18 year student studying in 1st year. One of my child-hood’s not- so- good friend, is now my closest companion. We talk many times in a day. We know each other and each other`s families very well. We like each other and are very serious about it. My mother caught me at night while I was talking with him. Now I feel very disturbed from my mother`s behavior. And she`s over reacting instead of listening me. I want to tell her everything as she can trust me but I`m afraid that she will put many restrictions on me. How can I open the closed and reserved nature of my mother on these matters? How can I convince or share all this with my mother? Please help.
Ans. There is a huge cultural gap between you and your mother and this creates a lot of tension for both of you. She is equally in distress due to your behavior as you are due to hers. Romantic friendships or dating among the teenagers are generally still not accepted by a large majority of Indian parents. They have their reasons for it for they feel you are still immature for such decisions and acts. You might feel otherwise but since you are still dependent upon your parents for your studies and your survival, you must follow some norms of theirs if you want the support. You could bridge the cultural gap by making some compromises. It would be appropriate for you to be just friends with the girl and ‘no more’ than that and also to curtail your social behavior to decent hours. Talking on phone could be restricted – no calls beyond say 7 pm? No adult messages to her on mobile and internet. Decent behavior within limits will help you get support from your parents too and help you discipline your life. I am sure your parents won’t mind a healthy, clean and disciplined friendship with the girl.