Build on the present for the future – 18 July 2010

L.N (via email)

Q. I am studying in class tenth and I have fallen in love with one of my class mates. I have tried to talk with her but at the end I feel restlessness. I really love her and I can’t live without her. She is smart, good looking and academically ahead of me. Please help me.

Ans. I would advice you to keep talking to her and being friendly. I would not advice you to confess your feelings to her. In other words do not do anything stupid to drive her away. Just be cheerful and helpful to her and others as well. Also here is your chance to impress her with your intelligence by studying well and improving your grades. She might begin to like you soon. Best of luck.

NJ (via email)

Q. I am 32 year old and married but I have a problem. On the first night itself my wife reveled that she has been forced to sleep by a married guy and she slept with her. From 10 years she can’t say this to her parents since she was afraid but she revealed on the 1st night to me. Now my point is how can I believe on her? Can it happen that after long relationship she ever been pregnant? As she said that she has not taken any kind of precaution how can I believe her? My question is she has said that she called him daily. Should I consider that it was because he pressure her to do phone call as she narrate me in the same way. I was so upset since I don’t know how to overcome with this. Please guide me with your suggestion as it can make my decision.  

Ans. This is a shocking experience for your first night of marriage. The ideal thing would have been for her to reveal all secrets before marriage but now the damage is done. You should ask her to be totally honest with you and to tell all facts whatever there is to be known. Rather than she revealing more truths gradually she should do it now. How old was she and under what circumstances the incident occurred? You should then take all the information at face value and believe her. Since she had the courage to tell you on the first night itself she must be an honest person. Do not harbor any suspicious thoughts after that and do not allow your imagination to run. Just ask her for details and then believe her and trust her. She must have gone through a bad experience herself and must be feeling guilty about it. It would help to accept the facts of the past and build up a good relationship with her in the present and work towards a happy future.

Vanita (via email)

Q. I am 27 years old. I was recently approached by a boy of same age for marriage. I was a bit busy with my professional side so I did not manage time to pay attention to the proposal. The guy waited for 3 months for my reply. Although I was considering him within my heart as everything matched perfectly well, horoscope, education, interests and family, etc. I failed to express timely. After three months we exchanged a few emails and expressed to him that I am interested and would definitely like to proceed. But he had lost interest due to my delay in reply. I realised that I had become attached to him. Now the proposals that I am getting are nowhere close to his caliber and qualities. I feel very depressed at this loss. Now he is engaged already and will be soon tying a knot in a few months. My mind is just not ready to accept this. I want to move ahead in life. I have lost all enthusiasm. All these years, I did not really have anyone in mind but was simply engaged in my profession and focused on my studies. Finally, when I fixed my mind on someone with full seriousness it failed badly. Please tell me what I should do?

Ans. Do not unnecessarily get attached to someone you hardly knew. He may have had a good bio-data but may not have suited you temperamentally. The fact is that he did not appreciate your professional involvement and did not wait for you if he had really liked you. My impression would be that he may have taken your attitude for arrogance and not serious engagement in your work. He may not be looking for a woman with high career ambitions and so he may have dropped you from his considerations. I am sure you will soon find a suitable and good guy who will like you for what you are. Remain focused on your goals and do not allow your professional goals to be harmed. Ask your parents to look for a good match for you.     

Published in The Hitavada Emotions Column – 18 July 2010