Q. I am studying B.E. I want to go with civil exams in future. I know I am capable of studying for that but I also remain in disturbed mind condition thinking about future. So I am unable to concentrate on my daily work and in live in afraid condition. Please guide me so that I can do my job fearlessly.
Ans. It seems you are indulging more in the process of worrying for the future rather in working on the studies for the civil exams. Remove all emotions from your mind before you sit for study. Calm your mind down by relaxation and meditation. Be quiet in your head before you sit for studies. Only then will you be able to concentrate properly. An emotionally disturbed mind cannot take in anything else since it is full of emotions. Emotion is an upheaval in the body and it upsets the balance. Get rid of the worry first before you concentrate for study.
Q. I am married since past 10 yrs to my first love. This is our second marriage. Till now the things were working normal though he was not that loyal to me the way I am with him but it never affected my marriage. Now since past three months his behaviour and attitude towards me and my daughter has completely changed. He is under the influence of a common friend couple so much that on their advice he actually left the home and returned after 45 days completely changed. We were left alone behind to suffer. The common friend has so much influence that he actually don’t care for us. We want him to break up the relations with common friend but it seems that he will not. Couple of times my husband’s behavior was so odd that he made us realise that he actually don’t care for the family. Please help me I don’t want to break my marriage but it seems that he is wanting to separate from us on the advice of common friend.
Ans. You could two things- one is to wait patiently for your husband to realize his mistake and his foolishness and come back to the family, and two, is to meet this friend of his and talk to him about his intentions. But you should be careful in taking a friend of yours when you go to talk to him. At least you will know something about their motivations about their behavior. They might want something from your husband or he may be in some sort of trouble with them. It is difficult to understand the behavior of your husband from what you write. Please see me once to discuss the details and then we could find a way out of this strange situation.
Q. I like to ask you one question about my 8 year old girl who is in Std.II. Actually I am most bothered about the all the requirement of my child. I frequently visit the school & contact the teacher in the meets. My girl is very talkative & smart in public. But she is very shy in the school. She does not speak with the teachers & friends frankly in the school. She hesitated to talk with teachers outside the school too. She is having good IQ in studies but slow in writing, slow in eating at home too. Because of this she appears bit dull than the other student and also her expression during answering the question are with fears. The same poem and sums she can do nicely at home with my company. She always initially having negative attitude towards new learning like skating, dancing, new items, eating. We have to always force her to do that. She get tired soon while writing, oral study she likes more. How should I develop her. Please help me by giving tips.
Ans. Your child seems to have learning disabilities and that needs to be addressed immediately before it begins to disturb her personality. Children with problems with writing or slowness in certain areas display negative behaviour in school such as feeling afraid and uncertain about the school related tasks that she is unable to perform adequately as other children. We can help her with evaluating her exact nature of problem and then giving her remedial education. Please do not delay in handling the problem. She will be fine soon.
Published in The Hitavada Emotions Column – 09 January 2011