“Compromise and adjust”- 2 October 2016.

A.N

Q. My friend is going through a lot of thing she wanted to do MBA but couldn’t because of money problem, now she’s doing M.com which she hate the most, also her cousins are getting great job as an engineer while she is jobless. How should I console her also is there any solutions to her problems?

Ans. If she chose to do M.Com she must have decided on some career options after completion of the degree. If she has hates commerce but has done engineering in graduation she can apply for jobs as an engineer. She can do that even now and give up commerce if she detests it so much. There seems to be a lot of confusion in her mind and is making a wrong choice which is adding to her pain. A session of counselling will help in sorting things out and taking a better and right decision. There are many aspects that need looking into before suggestions are given.

ABC.

Q. I have a son of three years of age and now I want a second child. My husband disagrees and does not want to talk about it. Is it a bad thing to have two children, I do not know why he gets angry whenever I talk about it. My son keeps telling me that he wants a sister or brother and I would be happy being mother to two children. What should I do? How to convince him- all family has tried but he is not willing. We are well to do and can take good care of them. I feel helpless. Please help me madam.

Ans. This is a very personal issue and it is for both the partners to decide about adding a member to the family. It is a good idea to have a second child which is good for your son too to have a sibling with him. Two children are always better than one but the decision has to be between the two of you. It would be important to know the objections of your husband and you could ask him for the same. He must be having his own reasons for it but is not sharing it with you which is actually not fair. He must share his mind with you and you could debate the pros and cons of the same. Come for a session of counselling.

XYZ.

Q. I failed in 12 Std in a subject and now sitting at home. I do not know my future and what to do. My parents are angry and only shouting and worried about me. I cannot meet my friends and cannot go out. I am being punished badly. I feel very bad and hopeless and feel like running away. Please advise if there is a way out.

Ans. There is a solution to every problem and that needs to be discussed in detail with a cool mind. Your parents should sit down with you and analyse the reasons for your failure and also discuss the best possible action and route to future career options. You would need to be very objective about the reasons for failure and for making the choices for future. If a wrong choice is made you will have to suffer it again. If the failure is due to your own irresponsible and indiscipline behaviour then the scene is different. Instead of crying and regret, you should move ahead and find a solution to it.

K.L

Q. I am very disturbed. Many months ago I suspected something with my husband and his behaviour. He was always talking on phone and coming home late. He was travelling a lot and staying away from home. I asked him many times but he always avoided and tried to console me. I forgot about it after I believed him but that was a great mistake by me. Again I did not feel good about his behaviour and I saw his mobile one day and found him chatting with a woman who works in his office. I cried and fought and left my house and went to my mother’s home. I am there since many months and do not want to go back. He is now promising that he has stopped whatever was there and wants me to come back. I cannot continue like this and want to separate out. Please help me. What should I do? I cannot bear it any more. I want to commit suicide but I am the only child of my parents. Please help me.

Ans. This is a serious situation and naturally you are upset with your husband. Once trust is lost it is difficult to re-build it. If your husband is eager to save the marriage and is ready to make amends and re-start life with you, it might be worth it. You could seek the help of a counsellor to know and understand the reasons for the marital discord. Adjustments can always be done and should be tried seriously. Humans do err and forgiveness is also human. So it is better to give it another serious chance and find happiness together.