“Make a wise choice”- 9 October 2016.
Q. I want to be a musician and my parents feel that they don’t earn much and I will be a failure in that career. She likes music herself very much and she encouraged me to do music. Now why she is not allowing me I don’t know. She is forcing me to take science. I don’t it too much. I like arts and languages and she is not understanding me. Can you help me in this madam please. I love music and it is my life.
Ans. Of course you can make a career in music and it is possible to do so. The main consideration of parents is that in such a career early settlement is not possible as it does not follow a straight path of taking a degree and getting a decent job which makes you independent and self reliant economically. Another factor is that such careers as music requires excellence in performance and a higher level of creativity to make a name in the field. The average and mediocre performers find it hard to make a name and sometimes to even survive in a decent way. Hence the parents feel anxious in allowing you to choose such a career. But we can talk it out with you and your parents and find a solution to your passion. If you have the talent and are very hard working about making a success of it, we might be able to help your parents actually support you in your dreams. All the best!
Q. I like a girl and keep dreaming of her. She does not talk to me nicely and sometimes she smiles at me. Then again I am upset and hope she will like me. I am thinking of her all the time and whole day I imagine her and talk to her in my mind. I want to spend time with her. I have made many calls to her and she does not pick up the call. She does not want friendship with me. But now I feel I should get out of this as I am wasting my time and my studies. I cannot and do not feel like studying. Please help me get out of this habit.
Ans. I must congratulate you for realising that you are wasting your time and neglecting your studies. That speaks of a healthy mind and a tougher spirit. Yes, of course you can leave her alone and get going with your life in a good way. Immerse yourself in your studies and in extra-curriculum activities. If there are certain skills that you need to develop like building your personality, or learning good English, or learning a new game like tennis, or badminton or football, you should enrol yourself in such a class of your choice. Relationships can be an emotional drain and can be detrimental to health too. Physical activities can help a lot in getting rid of unwanted emotions and some bit of meditation can calm down the body and mind. Another thing is to stay among people and friends and reduce your time alone. That should be a good beginning.
Q. I have suffered a break-up in my marriage some years ago. I like a man in my office and he is married with two kids. He says his family life is unhappy as his wife troubles him a lot and he wants to marry me but I don’t know what to do. He is a nice person and cares for me a lot. He solves my problem whenever I ask for help and he loves me a lot. He talks to me every day. He says he will ask for a divorce from his wife but so far he has not started the divorce. I want to believe him but I am losing my patience. These days we have started fighting on small things and he is irritated with me. Please advise me madam.
Ans. This is an unfortunate situation. Getting involved with a married man with two kids is a losing proposition for you. He might not ever start the divorce proceedings due to so many complications and he might love you too and may be true to you and your feelings. He may not be cheating you as such and may have true feelings for you. But his helplessness will take over and he will end up maintaining his status quo. This means, that he will maintain the marriage as well as desire your friendship and this situation will persist forever. If you are keen for marriage and settlement of a stable nature then you have two choices. You could either end this relationship gracefully immediately or you can give him a time deadline of a year or so and then give up. But this is fraught of pain and struggle as you will strengthen the emotional ties with him in the year ahead and that will make the breakup more stressful. A session of counselling may help take a better decision.