“Confess to your parents”- 29 April 2012


Q. I am in 8th std and I am having boyfriend and he is in 12th std. We meet online with each other but never face to face- we just do message chat and talking on phones. I want to tell this to my mother but I feel ashamed of telling. He is very nice guy and his all friends say that he loves me a lot but I don’t think so. He wanted my photos and I send him on his id but I am worrying that he can do anything with my pictures. Madam am I doing wrong by not telling this to my parents? I should continue my relationship or not? Please help me.                                    Ans. Friendship is fine provided it is within limits. Sending photos can put you in some sort of danger if he decides to misuse them. So you being worried about your action is correct but rather late. If you had been cautious earlier it would have been better. Now I think it would be a good idea to tell your mother or father whoever you are comfortable with about the episode so that they are informed. They are the best people to help you out in case anything goes wrong. Making a confession to parents timely is much better than doing it later. You should stop the relationship and tell him that your parents do not approve about it. Please concentrate on your studies and cultivate some good interesting hobbies that will engage your mind creatively.


Q. I have started feeling scared of some things which I was never scared of earlier. I also start crying for small things and feel upset with my friends. My family does not know anything but feel that something is wrong with me. I am a good student but nowadays my mind does not work like it used to. I hate studies and don’t like exams. My parents have high hopes from me and I am worried about my future. Please help me understand what to do?

Ans. You must visit a psychologist as soon as possible. You do show signs of emotional disturbances and the exact nature of your problem can be ascertained only after consultation. Do search for a good experienced psychologist in your city/town and if you don’t find any you could avail of my telephone consultation. My website has all the details about it. Do not delay as mental disturbances have a tendency to escalate and should be taken care of immediately. Take the help of a friend if you feel afraid to go alone.


Q. I love a girl and she loves me too. We are in the same class and college. She is a very sweet and cute girl and very simple. I don’t want to spoil her life by doing silly things to her. I have many years to study still, work for some years before I can marry her. I want to marry her but how should I ask her to keep waiting for me till I settle? Is it okay to ask her to wait for me and if I am not able to marry her in the end then what will happen to her? I am confused and worried in my mind all the time for her and her future and my future also. Please advise me.

Ans. The simple logic is that if she is willing to wait for you and she can think about herself and her life then let her wait. If you express your doubts to her she might think that you are pushing her away. It would not be proper on your part to do that. If her commitment to the relationship is bothering you then you must do some serious soul searching about the reasons for your anxiety about the future of the relationship. There has to be something in your mind that makes you feel that you may not be able to marry her ultimately. Explore those hidden fears and doubts.  You seem to have some sort of anxiety which could be related to the girl and the relationship and may not be related to the girl at all.

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