“Confront the situation boldly”- 19 February 2012

Y. L.

Q. I am a student of B.E in 3 year. There are few family problems because of which I can’t concentrate on my studies and that why my result are not up to mark- really they are worst and last year I had a fight with my classmate in that there was not really not my mistake. I lost my tolerance level since she was crossing her boundaries but since she is a good student and I am worst everybody thinks she is right -even my teachers because of this they have a wrong impression for me and that is why they always misunderstand me and scolds me. That is leading me to miss my classes and labs. I want to run away from all this. Please help me to fight.
Ans. I am happy to know that you want to face and fight your situation. Never run away from a situation howsoever difficult they may be. You are in a bad condition with a lot of things going against you but all bad times pass away. The best thing to do is to keep your mind calm and not to get involved in problems. Stay away from problems as much as you can whether they are family issues as you mention or they are about classmates and college mates. Stay away from controversial issues and people and focus on your work. You realise that your poor performance in college has got you a poor image in the minds of teachers. So a good performance in adverse situations will make them re-think about you and help change their attitude. In life what matters most is your performance which brings success and respect. Do not lose your temper, do not bunk classes, attend every class like a good student, study hard and show results. That would be your challenge and your reply to all.

Anonymous.

Q. I am a 12th standard student. I am in a committed relationship with a boy. He belongs to another caste. He has some family problems. He shares his every problem with me. All his family members including his father mother and brother hate him. They consider him as a speck in their eyes. He is their 3rd son. He is not allowed to take his food even- he sleeps in the terrace of his house. He has a lot of health problems, even he had to undergo an operation few months back and not even a single member of his family accompanied him to the hospital. He comes from a very high class family. I have asked him many times about the reason why his mother hates him so much- at that time he said that he was an unwanted child to his mother. His mother wanted to abort him but only under the compulsion of his grandma she bore him. They all treat him as a servant. His brother beats him and both his mother and brother use abusive languages against him. His mother even makes fun of him in front of her friends. He has cried bitterly a lot of times in front of me, even his parents don’t wish him on his birthday and he has to wash his clothes whereas the clothes of other family members goes to the dhobi. All his family members move about in leisurely cars whereas he comes to school in a scooty. Though he is very intelligent and secures the highest marks in our class he is always depressed and sad, and due to all these reasons he has started regretting of being born in this world and I don’t find any wrong in him. My mother knows about our relationship. Please tell me if I was wrong in taking this guy as my future partner?

Ans. Never choose a life partner whom you have to counsel. It may become your life long role to play and you will get tired of it soon as you would like him to be more stable, healthy and mature. It is okay to be friends and to help him now in his present condition but you might not increase your levels of commitment with him on a long term basis. You may not believe all that he says as he could be imagining some things and exaggerating them too. There has to be some other cause for his isolation from the family members and for them to hate him. There is no need for you to get into the details and to show curiosity for his problems. Let him fight his own personal battles and you take care of your. You have a full career ahead to plan and take care of. You have a board exam ahead next month. Do well and get going with life.