“Curb harmful emotional needs”- 5 October 2014.


Q. I am 22 male completed my B..Sc biology.  In this year, during my graduation I am very tensed, worried for education. My big brother purchased bike one day I fall but now I feel much relax but physically and mentally get weakened and some social fear. How I make friends.  When I walked or lift any substance feel much weakness slowly tremor on my both hands and nerves get thinned and muscle-less-ness. I tried to yoga and exercise so give some suggestion to get healthier as earlier. And career guidance want to civil service.

Ans. One is the fear that has got into you after the fall from the bike and your physical weakness and two is your career decision. Taking the first one, many people would be afraid once they have undergone an accident for they tend to lose their confidence and think in irrational ways. Check your thinking for negative thoughts and convert them into positive ones. People can be unlucky once but not every time. So start driving the bike again but take short trips like near the house and come back. Gradually increase the distance as your confidence grows. About your muscle weakness get yourself screened by a physician or an orthopaedic. If they declare you normal then it has to be psychogenic.  This means that the cause of weakness is purely in the mind, the body being perfect. About your career you should start preparing for the civil services and appear for them. It is a good career choice and if you are interested go for it seriously with your heart and mind.


Q. I am in B.E. final year-Electrical branch. I feel I messed up few things. I feel I live with lots of regrets at least 4 days a week I end up the day crying a lot at night. I did bad things like I cheated a guy! Kind of double dating but then things were sorted and are relationship is still on but we no more like we used to be now. He is very different very focused on studies and I keep feeling lonely and want more friends. I got distracted due to NCC camps and neglected my engineering studies from second year onwards. I never faced success after that.  I have everything but still not happy. I have lots of pat hurts and do not feel connected to anyone around me. I love my parents a lot but somehow do not want to bother them with my problems. yes! My friend lives in another town and we have a long distance relationship and anyway he is very focused he is busy in preparations of GRE & TOFFEL. I feel I am very disturbed and losing control on my mind. I don’t want to take pills and want to be okay too. Please help me and guide me what to do. I keep regretting the past all time long.


Ans. This seems like depression and some personality traits that are not healthy. Get treated for depression either through counselling or with medicines. If you live in Nagpur you should come over for a few sessions. Depression can be treated very effectively without medicines too. Try to stop worrying about the past and forgive yourself for things done earlier. Everyone makes mistakes and learns from them. If you have reformed yourself and have become a good person then forgive yourself for the past misdeeds and promise to start afresh. You must stop cursing yourself and indulging in useless emotions. Your boy friend seems to be good hard working boy who is serious about his career. You should get inspired by him and also focus on studies and career building. You seem to have a strong need for friendships and emotional closeness which makes you crave for people and their company. This can be a negative point if it keeps disturbing you all the time. Try to curb these specific emotional needs as in the past too they have messed up your life for some time. To continue to seek the same pleasures that had upset you in the past is being foolish. A wise person learns about his nature and his behaviour from his past actions. Be wise analyse yourself, curb your emotional needs and stop doing those actions that are useless.

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