“Deal with your anxieties”
Q. I have a strange problem and please don’t laugh at me. I am a young girl going to college and doing fairly well in studies. I have good home and parents and no problem in life. But I am not keeping happy all the times. Many times I feel worried and sad also. I worry for silly things as bad thoughts start coming to my head. I don’t know how to solve this and how to understand myself. Please help me. Do I need counselling -then I am ready to visit you too.
Ans. You seem to be having symptoms of anxiety in a generalised way. You worry for small and insignificant things and it has become a routine feature. If this is happening frequently and for silly reasons or for no reasons then you will need counselling and therapy. If this has begun recently, we can treat it faster and get you back to a normal and happy self and if is a long-standing problem it will take time and a bit more sessions and effort to get rid of it. However, do not worry too much about this too as it can be dealt with nicely and simply well. It is not a big issue or problem but the problem may have sparked off with some event or situation that generated enough anxiety for you. Learn to engage yourself in activities that are less anxiety provoking and are more on the happier side for you. Do things that make you happy and relaxed and feel better. Stay with people you like and love and avoid the ones that irritate you or distress you. Come for a few sessions whenever you have time. However, do not delay too much.
Q. I belong to a very good family but only one problem makes me sad and irritated. After the marriage of my brother all is not well at home. We are living together for some time till my brother will change his job and go away to another city. This may happen very soon but the issues between us makes me sad. My sister-in-law does not like my close relations with my brother. He is my elder brother and treats me like a daughter. He is very loving and caring and shares with me almost everything. Now I feel the change and I feel like crying all the time. He is now not so loving and spends time with his wife more and is planning to go away to a bigger city. I will lose my brother mam and I was the one person who was most happy for his marriage. I thought I will have two people who will love me but I think she (my SIL) does not like me too much and wants to stay away. Kindly help me solve my problem.
Ans. Hey! Take it easy. Do not read too much too soon! A new marriage is a very demanding life event. If this was an ‘arranged marriage’ of your brother then the situation is all the more delicate and sensitive. Forget your brother and SIL for some time so to say (metaphorically) and allow them to know each other and settle down. Occupy yourself with your friends and hobbies. Your brother and ‘bhabhi’ will thank you and bless you for your sense of maturity and good handling of the difficult situation. I know and understand your emotions and sentiments that you feel like a ‘secondary person’ and not the primary loved one in the life of your brother. You also hence feel left out and angry. You also want to blame your SIL for taking him away from you. She may not like your possessive attitude and your childish behaviour -that’s all. She may not be trying to steal him away from you. Remember, it takes years for a couple to settle and more for the new member (the bride) to adjust to the new family. If you help them do that effectively by being the understanding and matured sister they will bless you and love you even more in the long run. Let the couple spend more time with each other so that they develop good bonds of love and affection. Keep away from them and allow then enough space to enjoy freely their life. Give them freedom of action and thought and let them be together. A marriage becomes a ‘primary relationship’ and the other relationships in the family become secondary. This does not mean that the bonds get weak or diluted but they definitely undergo changes. Change is a way of life and imperative -so be prepared and be a good sister.