“Emotional healing after post trauma important”- 11 February 2018


Q. I am 26 years working gal. My parents have been looking for a guy for me since last two years and lately they are pressurising me to get married. But the very thought of it scares me. It has happened that on last two occasions where everything was about to get finalized, I backed out. I don’t know, but I am not able to prepare myself for this lifelong commitment. I am an introvert by nature and take time to open up. Also, I had a past relationship around 4 years ago, where I was emotionally abused and was hurt to the core. Since then I always maintain distance from guys and to my bad luck always end up trusting wrong people especially men. I feel helpless and feel like crying all the time. I also have frequent mood swings. Please help me out.

Ans. Marriage is a choice and a serious one as it’s a decision to shoulder the responsibility to start a family and be committed for life. I agree with you that it should never be forced on you by your parents. However I also realise that your bad experience with a male friend has made you bitter and depressed. I would sincerely suggest you to seek sessions of counselling to get over and heal your wounds caused by the trauma of abuse and exploitation. The wounds should not begin to damage your personality and leave lasting scars. You should heal and recover from the stress and move on with life with a positive energy. Marriage is an option and a choice and cannot be forced. Resist it if you will.


Q. I sometimes feel very helpless about certain issues of our society and want to bring about awareness about it. I want to start an NGO but I don’t know the procedure for it. Can you please help me?

Ans. It is a good idea to get into social entrepreneurship and start an NGO. It is a body that needs to be registered at the office of the Charity Commissioner at Civil Lines in Nagpur. Other districts also may have the same system. There are rules governing the formation of the NGO which you need to find out from the office itself. There are many NGO’s working in the country and this region doing good work. It is nice to know that the new generation of youth like you want to come forward and do something good for society in general.


Q. I am a 16 year old boy, preparing for class 12th board exams and NEET. Recently in my college, I have started observing that my English teacher is skipping my periods, and hanging out with her colleagues. This is happening for the last 2 months. I am a bit concerned as I don’t have any external tutions for English, unlike other subjects. So, I am fearing that it could affect my results of my board exams. I personally discussed the same with her and my parents, but they scolded me and told that I should mind my own business. But I am concerned about my boards. Please advise me so as to what should be my next step.

Ans. Find out if there are more students like you who are affected and would join you in making a polite request to the teacher and to the management. It will help if you go together in a group so that you are not isolated and targeted. The problem also becomes a general one affecting many and not you alone. If you complain alone you become a complainer and can be victimised by the college. But a group complaint will have value and conviction that what you are saying is true. The teacher also can be contacted and requested for help and guidance. It is unfortunate that some of the regular staff of some colleges are not performing their duties and forcing their students to opt for coaching and tutors which is an extra burden on the pockets of parents. When colleges take fees they should perform their duties well with excellence and a sense of responsibility and no child should opt for coaching unless he is a learning disordered child. The best thing would be to join hands with many and make a presentation. It is your right to do so.

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