Facts cannot be hidden – 20 Dec 2009
Sanjana (via email)
Q. I am a regular reader of your column. Actually my problem is that I was married to a person who was totally fake so the marriage was neither solemnised physically nor mutually. It broke off within a week but rest of world knows that I am married but I am still single. Hope you are getting the point. Now I am out of that bad phase legally and after years I am looking for a partner who can understand me. Please guide me whether it’s ok to tell about my past to the person who will marry me? I am in my late 20’s and working in reputed firm. Kindly guide me.
Ans. It’s always better to have the facts out so that he accepts and understands you better. It is also important how you present the facts. Make it concise and precise. I am sure you would have gone for annulment of marriage rather than divorce since it ended within a week. So you could tell your future partner exactly that- that there was no marriage it was a mistake and it was annulled. It was certainly not your fault if you were cheated by some fake element. So be bold and confident and face life truthfully. There is nothing to worry about. All the best to you.
Anonymous (via email)
Q. I am a 26 years old professional engineer and a government servant. For past one year I had generated an interest in one of my friends elder sister. When I was a child I and my elder sister along with her and other children used to play together as we live in same place. At that time I had no feelings for her. Now for a long time we were not in touch. After completing my studies I got employed in government sector. Recently when I saw her I fell in love with her since she had grown tall & beautiful. Now I am dreaming about her and making fantasy. We two are of same caste and if the things go well then we can easily get married. I am a shy boy and unable to talk fluently with girls. I had never talked to her before and her behaviour towards me seems she is also interested in me since I am also a tall handsome boy. She is a well educated girl and I want to marry her even thought she is 2-3 years elder than me. I am in the confusion that did I really love her or this is just my internal frustration. If I really love her I am not understanding how I can approach her and say my feelings since if things go wrong then it will b a great drama. I am a self-respected man. Even she shares a same feeling for me then I think it’s difficult for me to express our desire of marriage to our guardians since she is the elder sister of my friend. Since she was also a friend of my elder sister I don’t understand how I will tell my parents that I want to marry her. I am unable to understand whether is it right to marry or have such feeling towards a friend’s sister although I have a holy intention. Please help me.
Ans. This is an interesting scene. The small age gap does not matter and everything else seems to match. She seems to like you too you feel. Now how to approach it is the question? A good friend would be a good possibility for acting as a go between. Before telling your feelings or making a proposal from your side, he / she should put a good idea into her head about you. If she gives a positive reaction to your name then she/ he should proceed with the proposal. It is good that you are playing safe and going cautiously so that you do not spoil whatever chances you are likely to have. Now scan for a good reliable friend.
Published in Hitavada Insight on Dec 20 2009