Emotions for 26 September 2010
Q. I am a 25 year old girl, a doctor by profession. I have been studious since my school days and even today I am a simple good looking girl. I have never been into the boy’s matter, though I have many friends who are boys and I know them since childhood. I really believe in love and want to get married to a person whom I know and who will support be in building my career. Since last say two years, I know a guy I like him, he’s my good friend. The problem started one year ago when my parents wanted me get married to another guy. My parents were very angry and rebuked me. They didn’t phone me for a week. I was very hurt since I had never been in these matters before. He is a nice guy I know him very well, he will always support me with my career and responsibilities as we are from same profession. Few months back I told my parents about him but they are against him (caste and all…ridiculous) though my parents are well educated. I didn’t want to hurt them and so I stopped all contact with him. I have been called ‘characterless’ by my mother. I know liking someone is not an offense then why matters are so different in Indian society? My parents love me, they will give me everything but by putting me in a cage where obviously no one can be happy, even if they are fed on a gold plate. Should I sacrifice my dreams and aspirations just for the sake of false status and caste discrimination? I’m scolded, rebuked and forced to look for other guys in whom I’m least interested. Life’s mess, please help.
Ans. This is a personal decision you have to make considering the pro’s and con’s of the situation. First find out the reasons for the objection your parents
have for this friend of yours. Listen to them with an open mind and do not react emotionally. Such decisions should be made more with reason and less with emotion. If you feel all/most of the reasons they give are invalid according to you, then you may take your own decision and go ahead. A family decision has to be based on the discussions and sentiments of both the sides. You are an adult and qualified to think wisely and lead your life well.
Q. I love a girl and she loves me also. Every time I want to correct her mistake she refuses. Even she gets angry and stops talking to me and starts crying. I can’t understand her behaviour. It affects my career. Please help me.
Ans. It would help if you stop being critical of her and correcting her mistakes. It depends on how serious the mistakes are. Also if they are part of her nature then she would not change too much and you might accept her or reject her as she is. Changing somebody is a worthless exercise. People change only when they are willing for change. Picking mistakes becomes unpleasant and harms the relationship.
Q. I am in final year of PG. I am not getting any interest in studies. All the time I have the dream of getting married. I am unable to concentrate on studies then also at the last moment I manage to pass in exams. My parents expect a lot from me they want me to get a good job. I can’t even talk about this with my parents because they are already disturbed due to some problems going on. My need of having partner in life is become so high that I sometimes loose myself and I search of a partner from myself. Most men want a working woman in his life as money the strong need in today’s life. But I am not loyal towards my work. I very lazy and I don’t want to do job by cheating someone as I am not worth of doing it.
Ans. Well, the best thing for you to do is to get married then and put your case strongly before your parents. Tell them you would work only after marriage and not now. After all this is a personal choice. Your parents cannot force you to work if you do not want to. You may come for counselling to solve your emotional problems. There could be more dimensions to the problem than the obvious.
Published in The Hitavada Emotions – 26 Sep 2010