Think fresh before you decide – 03 Oct 2010

Sanchal

Q. I have failed in every terms of life since last 3 years. I was among the toppers up to 10th Std. But became an average in 12th, wasn’t able to score in MHTCET, still got admission in engineering with no interest in it. I wanted to be in biology field but wasn’t allowed. I took a year drop for re-preparation of medical entrance. I wasn’t able to study due to lack of interest and also due to medical reasons. As a result I failed in 1st year. I just lost everything. I have failed first time in life. My parents asked me whether I would drop engineering but I refused. I again tried but wasn’t able to regain my passion for study. I dropped engineering. Now I am in middle of nowhere. I have decided to opt for Microbiology next year. I was happy and confident about this decision but soon lost it. I am afraid about my career. I have totally lost confidence in me due to frequent failures. I have become dumb and feeling destructive. Will I be able to be someone successful in future? Please guide me.

Ans. Do not lose heart. You have faced unnecessary obstacles due to lack of proper guidance and wrong choices of subjects. Your decline began from 11 Std and your failure in entrance was the starting point. You parents made a mistake by discouraging you from aiming for medicine the first time. If that  was your area of interest they should have allowed you to pursue it. Anyway time is a great healer and you must get up and start again. But you would need to think through the situation and your aptitude systematically before you take a decision. Again do not get into a decision hastily but take time to consult sympathetic friends, elders. Of course the best would be to take an opinion of a psychologist.

Sandeep

Q. Actually I met a girl through a social networking site and after one year of continuously talking to her I developed feelings for her and I told her about it. She had already told me that she loves some other guy but she never told him about it. She just told me to remain good friends but because of this I am not able to concentrate on my studies- all the time I am thinking about her. We still talk on phone almost every day. Please suggest some remedy so that so that I can properly concentrate on my studies. I actually don’t want to ruin my career because of all this but I can’t stop myself from thinking about her.

Ans. You can always think of her and enjoy your studies too. She has been honest with you about her intentions and also that she has a boyfriend. You should have moved away from her then to save yourself the situation that you find yourself in now. Perhaps you thought friendship would do no harm or you thought that she has some special feelings for you which will develop with time. Best is to wait and watch- perhaps she will chose you and forget him when the time comes. But that is a gamble- there is no certainty about it. You could try telling her your feelings again and see her reaction to it. If she says no again then just enjoy the moment and forget long term commitments. If all this is a painful mess then get out of it all.

Decent girl

Q. I love a guy very much. I proposed him twice and want to marry him. But ever since I proposed to him he is ignoring me. He is not even picking my calls. Has he lost interest in me or he just played with my emotions? I am very depressed. Please give some solution.

Ans. That could be a typical male reaction! Men generally do not like the female taking the lead and proposing. Even in societies where men and women are considered equal, the male proposes. It’s an old norm. Being a modern woman you naturally took the initiative which has boomeranged. Another reason could be that he was not so much in love with you as you are so the thought of marriage has scared him off. He may like you and want your friendship nut may not have thought seriously about marriage. He would have cheated you if he hinted about love and then withdrew. Cool off and keep away. Do not call him. If he does not call you back in a months’ time, then forget him. He has dumped you. Take the rejection gracefully. That is where the true strength lies.

Published in The Hitavada Emotions for 3 Oct 2010.