S.N (via email)
Q. I have completed my M.Sc last year. I have tried for job but didn’t’ get one. Now I am working as a research trainee in one of the institute. I am getting married after 2 months. My problem is that I am very unstable and not able to do anything. Am preparing for the NET exam and have just filled the form but I am not studying at all. I gave this exam earlier also but did not clear. I don’t know cooking and my fiancée is fond of eating variety of dishes. All negative thoughts are crawling in me. 1) I think my parents have done a lot for me but I didn’t get a job so I was unable to help them as I belong to poor middle class family. 2) My would- be and in- laws feel that I should clear my net exam do a job and am unable to do all this. I am unable to remember anything which I studied in my previous classes. 3) I plan to cook but when I go home I am so tired and feel so lazy that I don’t cook. All such things make me worried. Every day I make a time table but never follow it. I just keep on postponing things. I always feel very inferior. When I see my classmates doing well in career, cooking I feel very jealous. I am not able to sleep properly so I feel very weak next day. I am suffering from constipation problem also. When I hold anything in my hand I feel as if am not having energy and things will fall. Please help me.
Ans. You seem to be suffering from emotional problems for various reasons. I would suggest you come for counselling for a few sessions and you will be fine. Meantime try to be optimistic and keep working. You are actively engaged in a research institute and would get a job eventually. You could try doing M.Phil for then you may not require the NET clearance. But for a highly qualified person like you the NET should be a simple affair. It’s your negativity and your emotions that are blocking your intelligence functions. Try to keep calm and cheerful in spite of all odds and tell your fiancé that you will succeed one day as you already have a Masters degree! This is no mean achievement.
Anonymous (via email)
Q. This is a problem of my friend. He is very sensitive and silent guy and never shares his problems and feeling with others. Till 10th std he was good at studies and used to get good marks. But don’t know what happen after 10th class, in 11th and 12th class he started bunking his classes and for this he used to get good smashing from his father and his father used to force him to study by sitting in front of him and he cleared his 12th class with 1st class division and even scored well in CET and got admission in BAMS in another city. In 1st yr because of fear of ragging he again started bunking his college without telling his parents, afterward he was not able to clear 1st yr, 1st 2-3 attempts he gave seriously after that he lost his hope and did not appear again for exam and pretended as if he is attaining college. He loves his native place very much because of his school friends and mostly used be there only without informing his parents. Almost after 5yrs his parents came to know that he didn’t cleared his 1st yr n never attended his college. Again he got good smashing from his father and his father cancelled his admission, again by giving donation they took his admission in B.Pharm. Here also he bunked his classes and did not took it seriously. He is not ready to do a job even. He realize his condition he even realize his responsibility but not ready to do anything. He loves to do time pass, roam here with his friends. Now he is 25 yr old but still neither completed his degree nor is he doing anything. He think that nothing is left in his life, he can’t do anything etc. Everybody around him in his family are well educated even his younger brother will also soon complete his degree. Everybody at his home is worried.
Ans. I would need to evaluate him on his mental status before I arrive at a conclusion about the nature of the problem. The problem could be related to his personality; it could be he has a poor aptitude in the subjects his parents chose for him; it could be that he has emotional problems or he is into bad friends and bad habits. Since he is now an adult one option could be that his parents should tell him to earn his own money but of course allow him to stay at home. They should stop giving him any pocket expenses and secure a job for him of any level where he would struggle to build a career. Of course if you bring him to me we would know what to do with him. Alternately, you could come and discuss with me.
Published in Hitavada Insight on Nov 01 2009