Self awareness helps in adjustment – 08 Nov 2009

S.S (via email)

Q. I am B.com final year student. I want to do MBA but I failed in B.Com this year. This is very depressing to me. Every people saying that I  can`t do MBA or anything. I am very disturbed. I lost my confidence. I can`t concentrate on my study. I suffer mood swings, do not get enough sleep. Please help me what should I do?

Ans. You must analyse the reasons for failure-whether it was the lack of aptitude in commerce, or lack of interest in the subjects or your low intelligence or your lack of hard work. Once you know the reasons then make a decision about your future career and necessary degree for that. Everyone may not do MBA- there are other courses as well. But it all depends upon what your career plans are for the future. If you cannot decide please come for career planning and guidance.    

R.J (via email)

Q. I am studying in std XI and I am in love with my tutor since past 10 months. Initially he used to respond to my feelings and he promised me that he would leave his family for me but now- a- days he ignores me. When I spoke to him for this shocking behaviour he replies that it as just an accident to be in love with you. Now he realizes his mistake that what will others think about him. I am totally dependent on him emotionally. I can’t think of staying away from him. Please help me.

Ans. I hope you have realised by now that he has used you, exploited you and thrown you out. Stop being a fool and grow up. Such type of cases are increasing as I counsel a number of girls who have become psychologically ill after being sexually exploited by tutors who run coaching classes. If you have the confidence in your mother you could confide in her and take emotional support from her. If you do not trust her with the issue in hand then you need to come and see me. I wonder why mothers of daughters do not take extra precaution to follow things at tuition classes and find out what is going on. After all if you suffer your family and parents will suffer too. One way is to book the rascal for offense against a minor (since you yet to be 18 years of age). 

Aaaa (via email)

Q. I am in confusion about how to handle any situation. As I am a girl there is so many roles of a girl. But I am unable to handle all. My nature is that I can do one task at a time. If I study then I just want that someone can give me water at the table. My parents are supportive but I feel bad when I can’t help my mom. I also don’t keep my room clean because I am in tension always that I have to complete my studies. But even I can’t study properly. But I can handle house nicely but don’t handle because of tension of studies. The days are not so far when I will get married. How I will handle my job, my relatives, making food etc. I can concentrate on one task at a time that also not properly and if someone disturbs me in between I get irritated. Sometimes I think that I can’t be a working woman. I should be a house wife so that I can handle one task. But money is very important and also there are so many peoples who have lots of expectations from me. What I do? Shall I be able to handle my mind?

Ans. I appreciate the way you have analysed your personality. It is a good thing to be aware of one’s strengths and weaknesses. I totally agree that there are multiple roles that a girl is required to play in her life. There is nothing to worry about in the long run really. You should take life as it comes. Right now complete your studies and get a job. After marriage if you cannot manage the job with the house you could give up the job and become a home maker. You could make the choices in life according to the specific situation and your capacities. However one suggestion to you would be to come for counselling when you get engaged or even earlier than that for improving your personality so that you could learn to handle relationships better. Personality development programme will go a long way in building confidence and positivism.

Published in Hitavada Insight on Nov 08 2009