Q. I am a 20 year old boy. I have been having a series of broken friendships from my high school. Each time I had a fight, I was able to move on without much problem. I have been an above-average student in school and did well in my 12th and the entrance exams. I am now in Engineering and it was my pride which led to my first failure in First Year exams. During my first year exam I also happened to reconnect with a friend (a girl) from my school. We were mere acquaintances – batch-mates – when in school. We kind of became the best of friends. She had a boyfriend and I was well aware of it. Every time she had a fight or argument with him she used to turn to me for support. In spite of it I never really developed any kind of romantic feelings for her and was able to be a good friend. Last summer she suddenly told me that she had enough of me and that we should stop being friends. She cited the reason as my rude and sarcastic nature. All this was shocking to me because she kept me under the impression that all’s well in our friendship. That summer I had another failure in my Engineering exam. But the real problem isn’t that of concentrating in studies or the failures as I believe they were my fault and I could have easily gone through the exam. During that period I once had thought of committing suicide. That was it. I and the girl are no longer in touch. Our exams for winter have begun and my first few subjects went really bad. I am in despair as I have given my full strength to studying this time and was pretty confident of not only passing but getting a good score as well. I started feeling that I am a good-for-nothing fellow, a failure in academics, and a loser in relationships. I once again had a thought of suicide. And now I get it every night. The thoughts are getting stronger and they are fast becoming a habit. Please help.
Ans. You seem to be depressed and therefore all sorts of negative thoughts are flooding your mind. Yes, your failures in academics and in personal friendships could have caused this depressed state. But now you should seek an early appointment and come for counseling. I would advise you not to delay any further the process of psychotherapy as you have been suffering for more than a year. I could help you improve your personality and become mentally tough and emotionally intelligent.
Ajay G, Nagpur (via email)
Q. Actually this is a common problem among children. But I am more worried about my child. I am a father of two years three months old son. As he is growing he is becoming naughty. Actually we are staying in a flat scheme and my son always try to climb our balcony and passage parapet wall whenever he gets a chance when nobody is there near to him. So I am always afraid whether he will fall down. So how to stop my son? I have scolded him and beaten him also many times but he is too small to understand. Please help me.
Ans. Please avoid using punishment methods such as beating and scolding. They have negative effects on the child’s personality. If your child is hyperactive then you need to take care that he gets enough time and scope for activities. One simple suggestion is to take him to a park for an hour and let him run around and exhaust himself. Once he is happy he will stop doing other pranks. He needs an outlet for his energies and you should provide him a safe place and appropriate time for it.
Published in Hitavada Insight on Nov 22 2009