Kundan (via email)
Q. Four years ago when I was pursuing D.Ed, I saw a girl who was used to pass by the way just beside my room. Initially I ignored her but later started taking interest. Because of my shyness I never approached her directly but I tried by all other mediums and she also knew all about my affection towards her and about me too. But on my every proposal she kept saying no. I was just in heaven at that time. Meanwhile another fellow proposed her and won her. I felt very sorry about her because I know how that fellow is. He is a roadside Romeo doing nothing good, a drunkard and has flirted with at least 3 to 5 girls till date. Now too he is not going to marry her as he declares in his friends (his and her friends are good friends of mine too so I come to know all about them). They have undergone physical contact many times but I still love her. I had decided to forget her now. She called me to wish me on my birthday and that even after getting denied permission from her boy friend. Now I am feel completely screwed up. I know well one day she will turn back to me. You tell me should I accept her if she does so- should I put efforts to convince her from my side or would it be better to forget her, my friends say she does not deserve my love.
Ans. You need to take care of yourself. You have been hurt by this girl not once but many times. You should have learnt your lessons by now and would have made up your mind about her. But you seem to be confused about your relationship with her. It is possible that she may approach you if she gets jilted by her boyfriend as you predict. It would be best to control your affections towards her and stay away. You still seem to like the girl a lot in spite of the fact that she has rejected you. That is your weak point and be aware of it. For you could mess up your life by succumbing to it.
P.S (via email)
Q. I have lots of problems in my life. From childhood I faced many problems (financially & emotionally). Due to all this it affected my personality a lot. Being a convent student I can’t utter a single English word in front of people as I don’t have confidence in myself. I am not as smart as my friends. I get depressed always as I was having a boyfriend and he left me because I am neither beautiful nor I am having a good personality. Then I don’t know why did he propose me? I am in 3rd year and next year is my last year and I also can’t face an interview as I think I will end up showing myself as a fool. And I day dream a lot but my dreams never come true. Madam I want to be successful in my life but how can I be? Please help me.
Ans. You should undergo personality development training sessions for self improvement. Personality is neither related to good looks and nor to English speaking. English is anyway a foreign language for us and many students in spite of studying in convents do not speak good English. This is the fault of the schools and also of the student to an extent for you did not take it seriously then. Now you may be regretting it. The best thing to do is to analyse and list out your weaknesses and work on them one by one. But this process is not as easy as it sounds. So come and meet me for these training sessions and all will be well. You will be able to overcome your negative frame of mind and develop yourself. Success in life requires a positive mind and a good healthy personality.
Published in Hitavada Insight on Nov 29 2009