“Engage yourself meaningfully” 1 January 2023

Q. I am an engineering graduate passed out in 2017. I have started preparing for government service since my passing out in 2017. I have reached till mains of various exam but at the last phase of examination I have failed. I am so disturbed now that I don’t remember what I study now. I have lost my zeal and enthusiasm to study. I am jobless now. I am married last year and now have to bear torture from my mother in law. She is very abusive. She always taunts my husband that she has raised him since childhood and mentally and emotionally blackmails him. According to her there is no value of any relationship other than mother and son. She even makes him remind the food that she fed him when he was a child. She fakes that she is unwell but is medically fit and starts telling her son that he has not made his wife to do anything for her mother in law. This has spoiled my married life as well. My husband is a very good person but constantly falls prey to his mother’s drama. As I am financially dependent on my husband I feel like committing suicide. Now I am trying to switch to IT sector for job. Since there is career gap of 5 years and I have no experience I am facing rejection from here as well. Please suggest something how can I make my husband understand the drama going on in his family and which stream in IT sector should I try. Thanks and regard

Ans. You seem to be troubled on both fronts- work as well as personal. This is an unhealthy situation to be in. Firstly, it is important that you work and start earning. I would advise you to take up any job in the engineering side that you get, however small the salary and status maybe. Once you have an entry into the job market, many opportunities open up as you meet new people and become familiar with the situation. Waiting for the ideal government job was a mistake. Most times we cannot be ‘choosers’, we take what comes our way. You can gradually shift to any sector you like. But first begin from the beginning. About your family situation I can see an abnormal mental state of your mother-in-law. She would need psychotherapy and counselling for some time. Your husband needs to suggest it to her with a condition of a mild threat. You can say we will move out to a separate apartment if you don’t change your ways of behaviour and attitude. And suggest counselling to her. You don’t have to leave her alone but the aim will be to bring her around for treatment by the threat. Meanwhile, try ignoring her and getting out of the house for few hours. You may become a volunteer in an NGO and do some good work for free. That would be good for you for now.

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