“Even good people make mistakes”
Q. I am a 12 Std student. I am a good student and believe in working hard to make my dreams come true. But recently I feel like sleeping and not working much. I get tired easily and get worried. This is worrying me further and my parents are also worried. I don’t have any bad habits but there is a girl in my class who is trying to distract me. I don’t like her too much but she is always waiting for me to get my attention. She praises me and wants to be friends with me. She plays well in games and sports and is average in studies. She cannot be the reason I think but can you help me with some answer please. I must succeed and get my admission after exams.
Ans. There could be many reasons for your symptoms -one could be the girl who is distracting you and trying her best to grab your attention. And attention has an addictive element as the more you get it the more you may want it. Attention by a girl can be even more distracting if she has certain qualities that appeal to you it can be very flattering to the ego. You need to align your goals with your dreams once again and do away with the distractions. They are transient in nature and do more harm than good. If you have high ambitions and have the capacity to be disciplined and hard working then please remove the source of distractions and focus on studies. Ignore the girl and avoid her. Tell her you are not interested in friendships at all. The second reason could be either anxiety, or stress or a mild depression setting in. This could be serious and needs attention and treatment. If it does not go away in another week you need to come for a session of psychological consultation. Check your thoughts and see if there are negative thoughts that frequent your mind. Check for negative emotions too and see if you feel angry, irritated or sad and depressed. This could help us identify the nature of your problem. Either way you can be cured of all this quickly and do not delay seeking help in case your symptoms persist.
Q. I am having problems with my son. He has been identified as an autistic child and the main issue is his behaviour in school. No school wants to take him due to his behaviour. He gets aggressive with class mates and even teachers. He slapped one teacher the other day and the school called me to say to take him out. This is the third school we have changed and now I am worried. Please advise me.
Ans. It is true that autistic children have problems of adjusting in school and can indulge in odd behaviour and what you are going through as a mother of such a child is quite ‘normal’. I would suggest you consult a special educator in Nagpur or a centre for autistic children where academics is also taken care of besides counselling for behavioural aspects. Find out for such centres- I am sure some centre is operating in this area. The child should attend such a centre on a regular basis and stay there for some years till the time he is prepared to adjust to peers and others.
Q. My husband had an extra marital some years ago but I came to know about it recently. It has bothered me like anything. I am going mad thinking about it. He says it is in the past now but I am shocked and cannot believe it. In my long marriage I never had a problem with him ever. He is a very nice person and loving husband and father of children. How did this happen? Why did he do it and I am blaming myself for being a bad wife. I must be not so good for him is what I keep thinking. He has broken my trust and what if he does it again? I will be shattered and my life will be ruined. Even now it is ruined. All the happiness is gone. We keep fighting and I keep asking the same questions and he gives the same answers. Please help madam. I want to come for counselling too.
Ans. Yes, this fact can be a traumatic experience for any spouse. It is shattering and stressful and a very negative one. It impacts the relationship majorly. But if you have had a happy marriage so far and want to continue to live with him then you need to resolve this situation together with him. Joint sessions of counselling along with separate/individual sessions will help. You will need to forgive him and heal your mind and he will need to be honest enough to gain back your trust. It can be done. People do make mistakes and even good people make mistakes so it needs proper handling and moving ahead. Don’t blame yourself- you have no role to play unless he tells you so. Stop negative thinking and focus on resolving the matters.