“Facing challenges is important”- 8 April 2018


Q. I am 21 years old girl. I have one elder brother and mom dad. We all stay in nuclear family. My brother has anger issues. He asks about everything I do. He beats me and yells on me all the time. My mom and dad they also ignore it as they think he is elder. I feel suffocated in my home and I feel like running away. My mom also likes my brother more because I think he earns well. He is two years elder to me. I don’t know what to do I feel like running away and never coming back. I have few friends who also think this behaviour is very wrong which my parents and brother do. My dad is good to me but still I want to get out of this situation. Help me

Ans. This is a terrible situation to be in where you become a victim of violence at home at the hands of your own brother. He has no right to beat you and be aggressive. You have parents who are actually responsible for your safety and should stop your brother from being violent. You can complain to the police mahila cell about cruelty and violence at home. Make one attempt at visiting the nearest police station and talking to a woman police executive. Threaten your brother that you will complain against him to the law. I am curious to know why he should target you and whether you have done something to upset him or he has basic anger issues and you are just a soft target? Whatever may be the situation, you should protest against it and get out from this place. I hope you are pursuing a good career and working hard towards independence. Talk to your dad more openly about this matter and request him to step in. All the best to you.


Q. I am 24 year old guy. I have done my engineering two years before. I scored well still I can’t find job. My girlfriend said she won’t marry me until I find a good job and I totally agree to what she is saying as before starting the family I need to be well settled. I don’t like that pay scale I get in Nagpur and I don’t want to get settled somewhere else so I cannot decide what will be best option for me. I can’t even leave my parents and girlfriend here and get shifted to another city. Please suggest me the best thing.

Ans. I wonder why you have limited your choices and circumscribed yourself with no options. Of course you can move to another city and get into a good job. You could work for some time and then marry your girlfriend. If Nagpur does not offer you much you must have the courage to move. You must have a very good reason not to do so I am sure but that is not made clear by you. You can leave your parents to make a career and have a bright future instead of limiting your own choices and then cribbing about it. It may be your own weakness of mind that stops you from venturing out or it has to be a very strong reason to do so. If you cannot take a good step in the right direction come for a few sessions of counselling to overcome your mental blocks. Facing challenges is a necessary and important trait for success.


Q. Few years ago I met a man many years elder to me. He was sweet and nice and asked me for marriage. I said no to him and now he is troubling me with calls and messages. I told many times that I don’t want to marry him and he is forcing me for it. What should I do? I don’t know how to stop him and whom to tell about it. I do not have many friends and feel scared of this guy. Please advice.

Ans. This is actually known as stalking and is a crime. Nobody has the right to disturb you without your permission is the rule. In spite of telling him several times to buzz off he continues to disturb you is a matter that can be reported to the crime branch mahila cell. There is also a section in law which protects women from harassment by others. Perhaps it is time that you inform him about it and caution him that you will approach the police station as well as a lawyer for the same. Show some courage and issue a threat to him. Keep some sincere friends informed about it and seek their support in case he gets aggressive. Also you may first talk to a police station first and then issue the threat. Be cautious and be bold. Be slow and steady in your moves.

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