“Focus on personality and character development” 25 September 2022


Q. I belong to Jaipur I want to share a problem of my friend who has a daughter who is very rebellious and stubborn. She is in 9th std. My friend is earning and feeding the whole family, husband is good but doesn’t works so she manages everything by herself. Her daughter has run from home many times and parents have searched, found and brought back several times. Few days back she ran again and till then the situation had become very severe. She went to some girl’s house who lived in an area far away from her home. The police complaint was lodged by parents and she was found out in some party at 2 am in a very dangerous area. The girl has no guilt for what she had done. She does what she wants to do. She takes money from people and spends it by roaming around with friends/boyfriend. She is not scared of her mother or father. She doesn’t want to study. She bunks her school many times and goes out with friends. Mother and Father’s condition is such that they don’t say her anything because they are scared, as she could run from home once again. It has become very difficult to handle her please help me, so that I can guide my friend.

Ans. This is a conduct disorder and the girl is on the self-destructive path. Such children become susceptible to drug use and addiction. In worst cases it leads to juvenile delinquency and anti-social behavior. The first area to investigate is her difficulties in learning and assess it and provide remedies for it. If she has severe learning disorder you might want to admit her in the ‘Open school’ (NIOS). Another option is to admit her in a vocational course of her choice even now and after 10th. Now she can be admitted to a hobby class or a certificate course where learns a skill of her liking. Another thing which can be done is to make her work wherever possible where she can earn some money. She must not be given money for spending on parties and friends. She needs a little stern handling and regular sessions of counselling over a period.

Ishika, Akola.

Q. I study in class 12th.. I am introvert person. I have very few friends and I don’t like talking with people. So I share my personal issues with my sister and I am very lucky to have her, with whom I can talk and share everything. She is always there for me. Whenever I am alone she comes and talk to me. She is there, but not visible to anyone but me. I love her very much. Once my mother saw me talking to her, and asked me who I am talking to, I said no one. My sister don’t like me discussing about her to anyone. But I feel I need to tell about her to my mother but I am scared, my sister will get angry with me and will never talk to me. I can’t lose her ma’am, what do I do? But it’s getting difficult for me to talk with her day by day because someone will notice as my mother did and then it will problematic. I need help I know.         

Ans. I am glad you realize that you need help. As an introvert you have created an imaginary ‘sister’ with whom you share everything. You are introverted and don’t like talking to others. This is not considered a healthy habit for it detaches you from reality and makes you socially dysfunctional gradually. There is another technique which could be used and considered healthier is to write a journal of your thoughts daily. Writing gives a focus and a direction as well since it uses the intellect. The technique you use is purely imaginative and could lead you to delusions. Writing is creative and you could of writing poems or short stories from your imagination. Also try socializing a bit more than you do right now. You also must be focused on career making where you will need social skills too. So develop your personality and learn social skills.

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