Q. I am from Pudducherry. I am 32 years old. I work in MNC. I stay alone I don’t have mom and dad since 9th std I use to live with my Aunt, I have a brother he is in Canada and studying MSW. I didn’t get married, I had relationships though which ended on very bad note. That is the reason I am afraid to marry. Also There was this incident happened few years back where I was working in a company, the boss was a pervert and many times he tried to touch me in a wrong way, he used to come in my cabin and always behaved in very ill-mannered way and use to speak very absurdly. Many women in the company told me about the boss and his behavior and no one took any action against him. They were very scared and had a fear that they will lose their jobs, so they never took any stand on it and tolerated all this ever since. The behavior of boss was affecting me badly and I was not the one who would be quite and do whatever he wants me to do. I spoke about it to everyone even the male employees of the company some were supportive some were not. So I took support from those who were with me, we together went to the boss and confronted him about his behavior. He was not guilty and instead targeted me of wearing certain clothes. I warned him and told him I will report this to police but he was not at all afraid. He said, “he had power and no one could do anything to him” he was so confident about it. I couldn’t survive in such company so I left it as soon as possible cause there was no scope of changes. So I started searching for new job, and luckily I got one. Things were working smoothly but then suddenly there were some pictures of me circulating on social media and my contact number below it. So I started getting calls and people were talking pathetic it was a kind of nightmare, for 1-2 weeks it was going on like that, I blocked 100’s of contact numbers but still I was getting calls from where I don’t know. I finally decided to report and take help, I was so broken down & mentally disturbed that I was seeing a therapist as well. The police searched out but it was never found out that who was doing it, and somehow it stopped after a while and I shut down my every account from social media. I was really traumatised and it took me while to get through it. Presently I am better but after all this I don’t trust anyone and I don’t know what to do my aunt is forcing me to get married but I don’t want to. Please tell me how to tackle this situation?
Ans. I can empathize with you that you have suffered a lot in your life. From losing your parents to having a bad relationship to sexual abuse at the workplace, to being trolled in social media, you have seen it all so to say. I am glad you are seeing a therapist and taking help. Many times suffering makes us stronger and wiser to handle the challenges of life. Life is anyway a struggle for all, for some the share of problems are more than normal. The fact that you are surviving well, are independent and on your feet and seeking help is a positive point. There are two issues you mention- one is not wanting to get married and the other is about not being able to trust anyone. About marriage it is a personal choice and decision which requires a mental preparation and you should not jump into it till sure. Don’t let anyone force you into it till you feel absolutely sure about it. About trust I must say it indicates a negative state of mind and needs more thought and introspection. We must learn to use our power of discrimination between people and things and make choices. We have intellectual powers which gets over-shadowed by the emotions which harms us in making friends and decisions. We must live with positivity and optimism and be comfortable in handling people and situations. It builds confidence and mental strength.