“Getting over loss is a process”- 18 February 2017.

A.B

Q I’m a 12th Standard General Science student and will be giving boards this year. I read your column every Sunday and was planning to write you since so many days but was busy in my practical. Actually ma’am I dropped maths as I was not much good at it and took Economics (as it was the only option provided by my school) and now I’m concerned about what I’ll be doing after boards. That is- can I give MHCET, NEET?? As I don’t have maths.
So kindly help me out Ma’am!!
Ans. Of course, if you have subjects of Physics, Chemistry and Biology, you can appear for both the examinations mentioned by you. The NEET examination is for careers in MBBS and BDS (Dental) and does not need Maths at all. MHCET Medical is also open to you for medical science admissions. You do not need Maths if you are not aiming for engineering. I am sure you are undergoing some coaching/ tuitions for entrance exams as well. It is too late for such as big confusion. If you do not want to aim for medical, there are other courses, such as commerce and accountancy courses, law and management courses as well. Please decide your future course of action now. A session of career guidance will help if confusion persists.

S.K

Q. My friend is very depressed. Her elder sister who was being treated for some big disease in the hospital died a month ago. The family feels her death was caused by neglect and the doctor could have saved her. The doctor is a good respected doctor in the city and she does not want to think bad about him. She is not angry with the doctor but with herself. She blames herself and thinks she could have saved her sister from dying. The family had taken her to another doctor and she is on medicine. Do you think counselling can help? Please help me. She is my very good friend since school. We have grown up together like sisters.

Ans. It is very unfortunate that her sister succumbed to her disease. It is no doubt a very big loss to your friend and to her family. She is going to grieve about it and be in depression for some time. But she must be counselled to move on in life with the help of family and friends. It is never an easy task to get over the death of a loved one but at a specific point the grief has to be tackled and handled carefully. Besides the medicine that she is taking, psychological counselling is a great treatment method to overcome grief and loss. It would help to bring her over at least once to make an assessment of her mental status and to decide how to proceed. Meanwhile stay at her side for more time and do not leave her alone. These feelings of guilt and depression are self-harming emotions.

R.T

Q. I was forced into science by my Uncle and parents. I told them many times I cannot do it anymore. They said try it for one year. Now this one year has become a bad time for me. I have started smoking, telling lies, and failing in many subjects. I feel bad for my marks are very poor and feel shame and feel people are laughing at me all the time. I look like a fool and I worry that my parents will also be told by my family that your son is no good. I have got a bad name as I have absented from class many times. I am depressed, worried about my future and my career. I don’t know what to do further. Please guide me –should I tell my parents??

Ans. Yes, the first thing you should do is to tell your parents about your dilemma. Even if they do not try to understand it, tell them that this one year has been traumatic for you instead of being pleasant and you would like to change your course of study next year. Treat your parents with respect and understanding and remind them that they had asked you to try it for a year, which you did but have faced failure, ridicule and shame. You listened to them once and now they should listen to you. I hope you have clear plans of what course you want to do and your long term goals. That should be very clear if you are giving yourself another chance as you cannot afford to fail the second time too. So be clear about your likes, strengths and aims. Be clear about your passions and motivations. Then insist on changing your course of study next year. Be stubborn and adamant. If you are by chance not clear about your long term goals, a session of career guidance will be important.