“Having a crush is normal!”- 7 October 2018
Q. I used to go for tuition for science and maths. I had terrible crush on maths teacher. He teaches very nicely and I like the way he looks at us. Madam, I am totally distracted by this. He does not like me as I am not a good student –there is one girl who is very good in her studies and he likes her. I feel like hating her and reply rudely to her. Actually she is a nice girl and speaks nicely to all but I don’t like her!! I feel like a mad person- will I go mad? Do I need treatment and will I be okay some day? I am worried for my exams and want to do well but how? Please help me.
Ans. This is perfectly normal for a young girl like you in her teens! You are not mad and will never go mad if you understand the queer process! As you and your body grow up the attraction towards the opposite gender starts and everyone experiences this phenomena. This only means that you are a normal healthy child who is having the first pangs of romance! But hold on- do not get carried away with your emotions, for you must control them as much as possible. Firstly, laugh about your crush and joke about it with others. Share it not secretly but in your group. I am sure more number of girls like him too and all of you can laugh together to get over him. The other option is to keep it in your mind and suppress it and forget it, in case you feel you do not want to share it with others. Secondly, at this age you might find yourself getting a crush on many boys/men and you must laugh them away. Do not get serious until you come of age and are matured in your thinking and your choices of life. There is a long way to go after you have built your career successfully and are ready for matured friendship. This is just ‘puppy love’.
Q. I loved a girl and we married recently. Her parents were little against me for I am short and a little dark. But she agreed after they agreed and now we live away from Nagpur city as my work is outside. She says gets bored and wants to come back to the city. That is not possible for me as I have a very good job and she agrees too. But, she is unable to adjust to the fast life of this big city and feels lonely as I come back only at night. She is trying for a teaching job but is not getting one at the moment. I try to help her with ideas but nothing is working out yet. I am getting stressed with her frustrations and her moods. She seems to be going into a depression as she has started fighting with me and sleeping a lot. Sometimes she does not cook even and I have to help in the household chores. I don’t mind that but she is not doing anything at times and just watching TV. Madam I am worried for her and me too. How will life go like this? For how long I am going to adjust? Should I ask her parents to take her? Please guide me soon.
Ans. Oh yes! The adjustment process can be stressful for many, especially those who are not open-minded and adaptable to change. Adaptability requires certain features of personality, such as, extraversion, agreeableness and ability to accept and change. Introverts and rigid people have more problems in adaptation. This is not to label people with this and that, but to understand that personality traits play a huge role in this process. People who travel and are open to new experiences, new people, different cultures and can experiment with their tastes can adapt better to changes. Anyway, the aim is to help your wife and not to label her. Ask her what will make her comfortable and then aim for it if it is realistic. Another option would be to invite her mother/ sister over for some time to help her. A third alternative is to bring her for a few sessions of counselling.
Q. Is there something called stress on the job? Can it be like losing interest in my work and developing a hatred for the boss and the colleagues? What is way to know what is wrong with me? Please help. If you want me to come and meet you please give me a time and I will come. It is urgent please.
Ans. Yes, all this can be symptoms of stress and a few sessions of counselling can help you learn to manage your mind better. Everyone goes through stress and everyone can learn to manage it too. For an appointment you will have to call the numbers given below and fix a time and date. That is a simple process. You should not delay the process further for it will only worsen and make you miserable further.