Q. I am 21 years old girl. I am studying science. Since I was a little kid my dad used to physically abuse me. He used to yell on me and beat me very badly. Whenever I think about it I still feel very scared and it messes my mind. I am not being able to calm my mind because thoughts of my past had consumed me. My father doesn’t stay with me now but still I feel like past physical abuse is following me. I cannot find my inner peace and I feel like I will be sad and lost. I wish I could do something about it and be happy like other people. Do I need counselling.
Ans. Yes of course counselling will help you heal your past wounds and recover emotionally. The existence of past memories laden with negative emotions, keep brewing inside your unconscious and subconscious mind and further generate negative emotions in the present. Even though your father has left the house his behaviour follows you and haunts you thus disturbing your mind perpetually. A wounded mind needs healing and if it doesn’t help by itself in fair amount of time, you need to consciously work on it with the help of a psychologist. If you are looking for inner peace and happiness, take a few sessions of regular counselling. You will see the difference. It is a wonderful method that works without the help of medicines.
Q. I am 21 years old from Nagpur. I stay in a hostel so my parents are far away in a village. From childhood I stayed away from them. In the past it was fine but now I am having problem of over thinking and mood swings. I feel lonely at night and I always keep myself surrounded by my friends in order to forget about lonely me. I hate this feeling of being alone and I imagine myself ending up alone. I don’t know what to do I want to get rid of this feeling. I seriously need your help to be calm and happy.
Ans. It is possible that hostel life makes you feel homesick as this is the first time you are away from home. But you are there for a purpose for studies and to make a life. It is nice to know that you are employing the support of friends to keep loneliness away but that is not working enough for you. You would need to build up your inner resources, such as, confidence, positive thinking, control of negative emotions and the capacity to enjoy your solitude. At most times, you are your best company and that needs to be understood and tried out. You love your parents and your family and that is nice to know but there are sacrifices to be made in life which is a reality. You won’t get whatever you desire and hence need to grow up and grow out.
Q. I am 24 years old. I was dating a girl for 2 months and then I cheated on her. After cheating I felt terrible so I took a shower and I told her everything. I admitted and my mistake just after two hours because my guilt was killing me. She started crying and said she could never forgive me. I called her more like 100 times just to make her calm. Now also I talk to her mostly every day and I try to get her back but I cannot find anyway. I love her a lot and I know I will not cheat on her again. I never thought that I will hurt her but I think lust consumed my mind and I did it. The guilt is still killing me. Guide me something to get her back.
Ans. You have acted courageously by telling her the truth. But you did not realise that she might be terribly hurt to this extent to break off. It is a good habit to be honest and truthful to your friends and the one you love specially. But you also need to explore the weakness of your mind that made you act foolishly on impulse. You might need to understand this strange part of your mind too. As far as this girl is concerned with some passage of time she might realise the value of your honest confession and forgive you. You might have to wait for her moods to change and to be ready to forgive you. She will eventually forgive you and accept you. If you are truly serious about a future with her, convey the message to her that you are waiting for her and she may take her own time to forgive and forget. That might test your patience and your love for her too!