“Improve your emotional intelligence”- 2 October 2011
Q. I am a student of 11th class. I am facing a very serious problem now-a-days. My concentration power towards studies has totally been lost. Till my 8th class I was among the toppers list. Since I came to 9th class my concentration power decreased and till now it’s totally lost. Whenever I sit to study I don’t feel like studying and my mind deviates to other things. What can I do to gain my concentration power again??? Please help me to overcome this problem!
Ans. You are either facing difficulties in your subjects or your mind is distracted by other things like friends, mobile chatting, other network sites chatting, or any other involvement. If it’s a subject difficulty find out which subject is bothering you and find remedies like talking to your parents and taking tuitions in the specific subjects. I hope you have chosen the subjects properly in 11 std according to your aptitude and interest? If you have made a wrong choice of subjects then the situation is difficult. Sharing the problem with parents will help them understand you and they can help you in turn. If there are distractions then you are out of focus with your life and need to pull yourself up. Another possibility could be a mental disturbance which needs to been addressed rightly. So evaluate your problem and its source. Solutions will follow.
Q. I am a 21 year old girl, in Final year engineering. My problem is that I feel very shy to talk to elder people. I find it very hard, I can make conversation only with people of my age or younger. Earlier I had many friends but now I stay alone, I have developed a habit of day dreaming. Also I am very confused about everything in my life. I find it hard to make decisions. I cannot control my emotion. I mean if someone criticizes me, I can’t control my tears. I tend to get angry fast too. Also I have become very lazy, I lack determination and will power. I can’t concentrate on anything. I was a good student and used to score 80% above, but now in 2 years I have come down to 50%. I have realized that I should concentrate on my studies since it is my final year and for a week or so worked up on that, but now again I don’t feel like studying. Whenever I sit down to study I start thinking about other things and I can’t control those thoughts. My university exams start in the last week of October. I need your guidance as how I should score good marks in my exams. Please help.
Ans. It would be advisable to consult a psychologist and get rid of your disturbances. Besides your emotional issues there could be some obsessive thinking as well. It is difficult to make a diagnosis with the data that you provide. Of course improving your personality and developing emotional intelligence will help you in handling many situations of your life which seem impossible to you right now. You should improve your mental strength and your coping strategies.
Q. My friend is cheating me. He promised that he will marry me and I had a relation for some years. He is very good boy and very loving and caring. Now I came to know that he has another girl whom he likes and talks on mobile. Is he cheating me? Will he marry me? My whole world is shattered and I am in terrible mind? I feel like committing suicide. I cannot concentrate on my work at all. I am a good girl from a good family. He is slightly less than me and my family. But I love him from my heart. What should I do? Will he come back to me or will he cheat me? Please answer me soon.
Ans. Firstly, relax your nerves and calm down. You may be assuming that your friend is having an affair with the other girl. The truth could be otherwise too. He may not be having an affair at all. Just because he is talking to the girl on his mobile does not at all mean that he is having a romantic relation. First clear it out with him on this aspect and then throw a tantrum. If he agrees that he likes the other girl and not you, and your fears are true, then too deal with it properly. Do not think of suicide, do not harm yourself. Have friends to whom you can talk and share your emotions. You will have to heal your mind which will take time. You could seek the help of a counsellor / psychologist.