Q. I am a last year engineering student. Throughout my schooling and even during initial
stages of my college occurance with the girls was very limited and I never felt the need of any relationship. But, recently I met with a girl and in no time we became very close. She has a very nice nature, good understanding and most of all she is very beautiful. I never felt what love is, but I think what I feel for her is love. I sometimes think of proposing her but in my final year I also want to concentrate on to seeking a good career ahead and this all comes like “Career vs. Love” dilemma. I think one has to be sacrificed, what to do?
Ans. You can maintain both if you can balance your emotions and your behaviour. you need not sacrifice one for the other. As you are nearing completion of your studies, you would settle in life in a few years. If you like her and feel she is suited to you, you could maintain the friendship without making commitments to her. Keep in touch with her, be friends but avoid talking about marriage and future settlement. If she asks then you then you might assure her that you like enough to think about marriage. But in any case do not lose focus on your career. Postpone proposing to her for now.
Q. Since few years I am feeling angry all the time. I feel depressed and don’t feel like working. My mind goes blank. I cannot make friends and cannot talk freely to others. I am in a good job and it pays me well enough. There is nothing that is bad in my life. I think I am like this from very long time, almost since childhood. I don’t remember being a happy person any time. Please advise me. Do I need medicines or psychological counselling will help? Please guide.
Ans. It may happen that you might have depression from childhood itself but it was undetected and untreated. That happens with many children. Nor your parents or teachers might have understood your problems so the illness gets masked. It is never too late to seek treatment. The first step is to seek psychological counselling before you visit a doctor and then you would be referred to a doctor if needed. Most times depressions can be treated with counselling alone without medications of any sort. There are types of depression and there are reasons for it. The treatment plan follows the diagnosis. You may have an introverted personality which is always to some extent or larger extent deficient in social skills and hence may face problems on the job. We could help you with the development of the skills and that may help you too in a big way. Cheer up and come for counselling.
Q. My son has a problem with his studies. He is a good boy and listens to us. He does not trouble us at all. He has good habits and is obedient. He is in class 5 and has problems with his subjects. Some subjects he does well but some he is afraid of. We have a tutor for him but no improvement. Does he need an Intelligence test? Please guide us. His teachers say he is intelligent and understands well.
Ans. Yes, your son needs a proper IQ test from a trained psychologist. He might have Learning disorders which means that he has a normal or above normal intelligence but has deficits or delays in the areas of learning. The areas affected could be anything from, reading, writing, spelling, comprehension, arithmetic, language expressions to other types of problems. He would need to be investigated for learning problems too after the intelligence test is done and proved normal. It is nice to know that he shows no signs of behaviour problems and is a well behaved and obedient child. I am sure you have brought him up with good values and culture but he might have some inherent problems for which he needs professional help and treatment. Please do not delay and seek an early cure- the earlier the better. All the best.