“Do not sail in two boats”- 23 December 2012


Q. I am happily married but something has happened to me which is not good. I like another man too. He works in a company nearby my office. We met on the way- it started with simple mobile chats and meeting each other on the way home. Then he invited me for coffee and I agreed. After that I don’t know what has happened to me. I am irritated and angry many times and my focus on my work has also lowered. What to do? My husband is a good man and loves me a great deal. I love him too. Please advise me.

Ans. The best thing to do would be to concentrate on your husband and your marriage. Spend more time with your husband and go out for coffee with him. You could tell your husband about this man and invite him home with his wife (if he is married). You could involve your husband in the friendship. Of course, going for coffee with another man may not be acceptable to anyone if it becomes a habit. Also cut down the chats on mobile and whatever else you do. Find out the reasons for the distraction /attraction towards this guy. Does he fulfil and need within you that is unmet in your life? Find that out and address that issue seriously with your husband. A session of counselling will help in identifying the causes and suggest remedies to it. You cannot sail in two boats- that is not advisable and impractical as well.


Q. I am in junior college. All my friends have girl friends but I do know how to talk to girls. I feel very shy and nervous doing that. I have studied in a boys school and a strict one. My parents have been very strict too about these matters. Now I feel stupid and silly and the boys tease me too. I feel like left out from all the group and embarrassed about myself. Is there a solution to this problem? Please help me madam.

Ans. It is good you do not have a girl friend. Such things happen and there is no need to run after it only because it has become a fashion in your group. There is no norm that each student in junior college should have a girlfriend. You could talk to all girls in your class or college bit there no need to have a girlfriend as such. This is serious time for studies and making a career so do just that. You could show your friends the benefit of not having a girlfriend. You are happier, free of commitment, free of relationship hassles. So enjoy life and enjoy the company of all. Why should you restrict yourself to one person. Of course you should get rid of your shyness and be normal with all people whether boys or girls. Just be casual and polite and cheerful. Do not get serious and conscious about it. Few sessions of training in assertiveness will do the trick in ridding you of shyness. Contact me when convenient.


Q. I am in engineering second year but am unable to concentrate on my studies. Last year I had some papers in which I failed and I am afraid I will fail this year too. I don’t know what to do. My parents are angry with me and tell all sorts of things to me. They threaten me that they will stop my studies and tell me to do B.A. I want to do engineering but done know how to do it. Should I leave it and do something else? Please help me. I feel like committing suicide.

Ans. You would need guidance and counselling in choosing the right career. An aptitude test would tell us the levels of your abilities in engineering and various fields. If you have low level ability for engineering then it would be advisable to change your line and choose another career. If you are suited then the problem lies elsewhere and you might have to change your strategies for study and other things. It is not about just getting a degree but working your entire life in a profession. You must have other talents where you would love the work. The choice of degree is secondary to the type of work you enjoy doing. Please do not think negatively and also try to explain to your parents the nature of your problem. Keep your parents on your side for they will support you always and once they realise that the problems are genuine they will help you. Do not hesitate for counselling.

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