“Introverts can enjoy social life”- 27 January 2013
Q. My brother married 3 years back. His wife is teasing and doing verbal torture to my mother. She knows and uses kali vidya. I know scientifically there is no kala-jadu, but when life shows some uncovered scenes it forces me to believe for safer side. She has poisoned brother’s mind and he do not talk with us except his own interest, rather she do not allow him to speak with us. If we want to speak with him, he do not listen even a single word. As soon as my mother utters even a single word she picks up quarrel and shouts very loudly and uses filthy language for mother. My brother keeps mum. He is not showing her right way at all and supports her doing all this. This is going on since last 3 years. They started cooking separately from 15 days in the bedroom. The house is owned by my mother and she does not want to let them stay here anymore. We do not want to see or hear them and allow them to create anymore situations to fight. Just because what people will say and she is a mother, should she bear such rude persons throughout her life. Why always mother should keep forgiving such rude sons in society and do not have right to teach lesson to her son? Please guide how to deal with situation. Should she send notice to vacate occupied room?
Ans. The owner of the property has every right to do what he /she feels like. Even if she is a mother she can request her son to find another place of residence for his family. Since he is an adult and working and married he should go and find another house to stay if he is uncomfortable in his mother’s house. Before sending a notice which becomes legal, try requesting him to leave as soon as possible, say, within a month. If he does not agree then please give him a legal notice from a lawyer to vacate the premises. It is not for you to say anything- it is for your mother to do the needful as she is the rightful owner of the house. Do it urgently.
Q. I am a B.E 1st year student. I love a gal from my 12th std. She too loves me a lot. Due to some reasons and conditions I had told my parents about our relation. Now my parents asked me to concentrate on my studies and not to talk with the gal, we both love each other too much that can’t live without a single minute. I too want to study hard and achieve my goal but I am not able to ignore her. She message me every-day to talk- what to do tell me?
Ans. Your parents are right in asking you to concentrate on your studies. They are also right in asking you to stop talking on mobile. But there is no need to break off the friendship. In fact this is a test of your friendship –whether it can bear the challenge of the difficult situation. You could promise your parents that you would talk to her only once a week or something like that and assure them that friendship will not disturb your results and performance. But that is not going to be easy. So it is best to keep away for some time and after exams again renew the friendship. That would be in the best interest of all.
Q. I’m an introverted person. I tend to be really quiet. It’s not spontaneous to me when it comes to having a small talk. Though I do want to mingle with people and socialize, it requires a lot of effort from the inside (strange, as it sounds!). It doesn’t come to me naturally. I’ve a hard time getting along with people. It’s very difficult to find people who are sensitive and understand introverts (Others just call it shying away, unfriendliness, timidity etc., which is not true!). Sometimes, I feel very depressed about it and wonder if I’d ever have a normal social life. Please advice me on this. I’m a 19 year old, college going girl.
Ans. Yes, you can lead a normal life and nature/personality does change over time too. One suggestion could be that try to stay with people and the college group you like as much as you can. You need not talk too much or make tremendous efforts as you say to mingle with people. Just stay with the group and be with them in activities. Do not be choosy and try not to say no to them. Accept their offers of going out and having fun and enjoy their company quietly even if you do not feel like talking. Laugh and enjoy. You will find yourself relaxing and feeling wanted in their company. They will also begin to like you in spite of your silent nature. All the best.