“Introverts need to equip themselves with social skills”- 4 December 2016.

S.M.

Q: Hello ma’am, I have some emotional issues for which I need your help. So can you please help?

Ans: Please specify the nature of emotional issues that you are facing and of course counselling is all about handling emotional issues that distress you. Alternately if you do not desire to publish them in the column then you would need to take an appointment and come personally. That will be better any day.

P.D.

Q: I am a 21 year old engineering student. I read your article on ‘POWER OF BEING AN INTROVERT’ in the Hitavada and realized how familiar my story is to it. In daily life I face a lot of problems due to my introverted personality, so much so that even my lecturers don’t give me enough marks because I don’t communicate enough. I used to have a few good and loyal friends but now they also have turned they backs on me. I’m all alone. Add to that I’m always worried about whether or not I will get selected during the campus placements next year. Due to this I’m not even able to concentrate on my studies and have been getting low grades. Even all my friends and family members’ keep telling me to get out of being introverted. I will not be able to survive. Is being an introvert a bad thing? Please tell me what I can do.

Ans: The article was written for introverts like you and for the people in general to state that introversion is not a bad thing at all, as they have different set of qualities that are unique to them. At the same time introverts are under pressure in today’s competitive environment to learn social skills and presentation skills which are required for job interviews and placements. Communication is necessary and so is social networking and that needs behavioural training if you are deficient in it. You can learn many good skills without disturbing your introversion. Many great people have shared their experiences about being introverts and suffering due to it till they realize to be happy in their own skins. Mahatma Gandhi talked extensively about it as I have mentioned. So do not despair. You are in good company but do pick up some necessary social skills which are not impossible to learn. They are necessary for social functioning.

AK.

Q: I am a 22 year old student. I have been dating this boy for the last two years and I am very serious about him. But his family is not ready to accept that he is in a relationship and want him to concentrate on his studies and family business. They are putting all kinds of restrictions on him and put him under a lot of pressure. He keeps ignoring me and treating me badly because of it all. I don’t know what to do because the way he is treating me is not right and I don’t even want to leave him when he needs me. But how does he expect that of me when he is not ready to tell me what is happening with him. I am so frustrated and upset and can’t concentrate on anything. Please tell me what to do.

Ans: It will be important to know if the boy is afraid of his parents or is unwilling to go against their wishes or is waiting for some more time to pass till he prepares himself for the big decision. Instead of ignoring you if he could tell you something about his thought process it would help. Sometimes people are uncommunicative and find it difficult to explain or sometimes it’s an excuse to get away. You could just ask him if you should wait for him and his decisions or you should go your way. His answer would give you some lead on his thoughts. If he says –it is your will- then get out of it and do not waste more time on it. Every good friendship need not end up in marriage for marriage entails many more factors than just good friendship. If he is working for the family business, then it means that he is dependent on his parents /father for his earnings and future. In such a condition where the boy is in family business and the parents are opposing the alliance, the boy finds it very difficult to rebel against them and take an independent stand, since he is not economically independent. If you are in a hurry to marry saying goodbye will be better and if you can wait for a couple of years, then you could give yourself and your friendship some more time. But the fact that he is misbehaving is not a good sign to hang on to him for too long.