“Stay away from emotional traps”- 11 December 2016.

GS

Q: I am a student of B.A. 2nd year of Art Faculty. I am a bright student and also a hard worker. Madam I want to become a successful person and I have to do something better in my life, but nowadays I am facing a big problem. One girl loves me more than I do her. I like her very much but I can’t love her. Whenever I try to avoid her she cries. Now she told me that she would only be friends with me but she still behaves like a lover. I don’t know what to do with her. I don’t want to hurt her. Please help me, what should I do?

Ans: Do not fall into this trap! If you want to focus on studies and be a successful person and this girl is trying to distract you please be careful of her and her tantrums. She loves you and you do not. She wants your attention and you try to avoid her. She cries and promises you friendship and then again behaves otherwise. So this game will go on endlessly and you will not get any respite from her as will try her best to trap you. So get out as fast as you can if you do not want to hurt yourself. At some point in situations a stand has to be taken. It is either her welfare or yours. If you do not stand for yourself who will? You should hence do what is best and healthy for you.

AG

Q: I have completed 12th and currently preparing for NEET. Though everyone says I will surely get selected, if not this year then next year. I do not know whether to continue it or to go for civil service preparation which is my childhood dream and to some extent my parent’s too.  Please guide me.

Ans: Your career is a very important aspect of your life. You should be sure of what you want to do and you should be able to enjoy your work as well. If to join the civil service stream is your childhood dream, then you should definitely do that and as you said it is your parents dream too. But for that you would need to be a graduate in any field. You could graduate in arts, science, medicine or law or anything. So graduation is a must. If you get selected for medicine you could go for it and if you do not qualify for NEET entrance, you could opt for any other graduation in science/arts/commerce/etc. Taking a professional degree course, such as, medicine, law, engineering etc is not a necessity for civil services – it is just a trend. Think about it. if you are still confused a session of career guidance will help sort it out.

ML

Q: I read your article in the Sunday paper. You wrote about power of introvert & I found it similar to my own life. Please help me out, I often feel like ending my life. I was a very good student in school. My parents pressured me into doing engineering. But I have become weak in my studies as I am not able to concentrate. People always ignore me. They come to me only when they have work and after that they leave me. I don’t have any close friends with whom I can share my feelings. I enjoy talking in front of people and giving speeches. I would love to do something related to that instead of engineering. I think of running out of this place all the time just to forget. I am also not getting a proper placement from my college and that is depressing me even more. I like one person and don’t know what to do. Whatever I do he is always on my mind. I feel like no one understands me. I’m not able to concentrate on anything else. Please help me overcome this.

Ans: This is a long list of problems you seem to be suffering from. Your primary problem is getting pushed into a course of study which is not your choice. Your misery gets multiplied there for if you had your choice you would have been happy with your studies and would have a sense of achievement and success. Try negotiating with your parents about changing your course of study now or later after you graduate. This area of life is very important as you get a major part of your identity from your work. Now, besides this, your failures get multiplied as your introvert nature too presents a different set of obstacles. Introverts do face many issues related to interpersonal skills and finding their way in society. They have issues about communication and putting their views across to others in a personal interaction. You say that you are good at giving speeches and that is your strong point. This area of weaknesses can be improved by training and development sessions on social skills. Both areas of life are important. Take care of one and come for training for the other aspects. Never think of ending your life. It is too precious. Never give up. Be brave and face the problems –they generally go away when you confront them.