Q. I am 40 years old working woman. I can’t adjust with my friends because when they give me harsh comments I feel bad. And that comments are wandering in my mind so I can’t do my routine work properly. I get hurt easily and I do not say anything to others. My life is so disturbed now. I love my job and cannot leave it. Please help me.
Ans. you seem to be extra sensitive about critical comments by others. You are not able to respond appropriately to them and then those negative comments keep haunting your mind at all times. This can be overcome by some sessions of counselling and training of your personality. One is to be less sensitive and learn to laugh off some things with a pinch of humour. Another aspect is to reply to them immediately or even later the next day or even after a few days after planning your response. When you are submissive in your social responses and relationships people exploit you and target you since you are an easy victim. Do not worry. Come for training and development of self.
Q. I am 22 years old college student. I had a girlfriend. We were in relationship since 3 years. Beacuse of some misunderstanding she left me. I tried contacting her and she gets angry when I call her up. She tells me to stop calling her and disturbing her. Now I am alone and missed her so much. I can not concentrate on study and career. How can I overcome from this situation. Please tell me.
Ans. A loss of a relationship is stressful. It may take time but you can handle it with some effort. Firstly, keep your mind as calm as possible. Secondly accept the fact that she has left you and may not come back at all, that you will have to recover from this situation by yourself. You will miss her and it is okay to miss her. Be aware of your feelings, negative and positive, but do not get carried away by it. Get involved with friends and make new ones. Play a game or sport. Restart your hobbies, things you always wanted to do. I am sure you will find the right girl for you in future. Let her go if she has left you.
Q. I am mother of 15 years old son. I am finding my son is not studying well from 2 years. He is showing his intrest in other activities except study and especially towards girls. I am worrying. I scold him but it does not help much. If he gets into bad company he will ruin his career. Please help me mam.
Ans. Please bring him for counselling for improvement in studies. Teenagers do get distracted from studies and get diverted to friendships naturally but they also do need to be checked and guided from time to time. Engage him in sports and games and other hobbies of his choice so that he loses interest naturally in girls. Avoid lecturing and advising and spend more time with him in interesting conversations and activities. Befriend him and see the difference.
Q. I am 27 years old. My problem is that my grandmother always give me advice actually she is always interrupt and correct me. She fights with my mother and spoil the atmosphere. My granny loves me a lot I know but she always keeps telling me this and that. I am planning to get married but I am wondering how to stay in this house with all together members. I am now so tired. I feel scared and worried about my future if they keep fighting. Tell me what should I do?
Ans. Family dynamics is a difficult aspect to control and handle. If some members are perpetually in conflict it vitiates the atmosphere and makes life miserable for others. You are facing exactly that situation that your granny and mother conflict. Your granny must be having strong opinions on matters and hence must be giving you advice and correcting you. In a polite way you could educate her on some matters of modern life and let her adapt to it. She must be a strict person and therefore keeps suggesting improvements. You need not fear for anything. Your future wife would need to adjust to the family situation or else the option of setting home independently is always there although it should be the last option. We should learn to adjust to joint family set-ups. But if things become impossible to bear then use the next best option. Take things as they come.