“Learn relaxation techniques to control anxiety”- 18 March 2012

B. K

Q. I am a newly married woman. Before marriage I had an affair, endless chats, physical relations with a boy younger to me. We were very close to each other’s personal life but not committed for marriage though I kept on trying to convince him for marriage and failed. Since my marriage I wanted to forget him but found it impossible and things too always turned out in such a way that no. of times I have to stay away from my husband either have to come to my parent’s house. Whenever I come to my parents (hometown) again the nostalgia begins. My husband knew everything about my past and still accepted me, he wants me to be happy always, he loves me a lot, cares for me etc. Still I am not happy and unable to come out of my past. Once I tried to contact my ex-boyfriend but he has changed his contact no. and everything. Will he be back in my life- is he more happy without me? Or forgot me completely? Can we still continue the relation or forget everything here itself. I am always distracted from my husband as well as from sex and other things related to marriage. Sometimes I think of divorce and even more suicide. Please tell me madam I need your help desperately.

Ans. Please try to concentrate on your life with your husband and your new family. Look for positive strengths in your husband and love him for that. Spend more time with him, develop common hobbies with your husband and be with him. Love will certainly grow. Also remember giving love to someone, caring for someone, is superior to receiving love. Start doing some things to your husband and his family members. Focus your attention on him only and see the difference in your mind. You must live in the present and forget the past. They are only memories to be cherished. This is your present and you must enjoy it. Think of the future and engage yourself in some creative goals for yourself. Relationships are there to support your main goal in life. Do not live an aimless life. If you cannot solve the problem by yourself then please seek counselling.

S. H

Q. I am a 20 year old B.E final year student. I had a crush on a guy of my colony before two years and I asked him for friendship. He didn’t refuse it and we became friends. He knows very well that I like him too much but don’t reveal anything about himself. He used to say that we are good friends but his attitude towards me shows that he cares for me a lot even though he didn’t tell it by his own. Now I am fed up with this hide and seek. I want to know whether he’s serious for me or likes somebody else! But I can’t ask this to him directly. Please help me.

Ans. He may not playing hide and seek as you state. He may have his own concerns and priorities about life and his family. He may not want to commit to you at this point of time. He may not want to marry you at all. But he may like your company and enjoy your friendship. If your needs are different from his, he is not responsible for it. You asked for friendship and he said yes. If you feel very serious about him and he does not appear serious about you, then you have two choices. Stop talking to him and let him approach you if he is interested in you. It means, allow him to explore his feelings for you and give him time to express them. Secondly, you could tell him your feelings and if he shows no interest in you then say good bye to him. If you can’t ask him directly, then the first option is best. Give the friendship a break – a big break.

Sania

Q. I’m pursuing MBBS. I’m a good student and study fairly well throughout the year, but as exam approaches or even just a day before the exam, I feel as if I will not able to pass in the examination. I get very tensed and nervous, because of which I’m not able to study and lose on the peak hours of revision. As a result of which I don’t recall things well on the day with the examination. Please suggest me on how to solve this problem.

Ans. You have an anxious mind especially in times of performance. You need to learn some relaxation techniques to calm your mind on a daily basis and specifically during exam time. This will help you tremendously. Another way is to take some medicines during exam time from a doctor for controlling your anxiety. But this is the last option. The best option is to control it by relaxation methods. I could teach you some methods if required.