“Learn your own life”- 26 July 2015.
AB
Q. I am 32 year old man. I am working in a company in Nagpur since many years. I’ve completed my graduation also from Nagpur. I live alone here and my family stays in Delhi. I never wanted to marry but I was forced to get married and now I have two kids. My family wants me to settle at my native place but I want to continue here with my job. I can’t get my family here because I can’t leave my mother alone and she won’t agree to come and stay with me. Please tell me what to do?
Ans . This is an unfortunate situation. You cannot leave your mother and nor can you leave your family. Frankly, your primary duty is towards your family especially your kids and then towards your mother. If you go and stay with your family she might agree to follow you to Delhi which she should do. She forced you into marriage against your wishes and now she won’t allow you to stay with your kids and wife. This is a preposterous way to dominate your life and you are listening to her is your great weakness. You are 32 years of age and matured hence. You must make decisions of your own and live your life the way you want to. Everyone takes care of parents as it is our moral duty to do so but to give in to her the way she demands is not done. Are you dependent on her in some way? For money or otherwise?
Anonymous
Q. I am a 17 year old boy. I am in relationship with a girl from last 2 years. We both belong to different caste. From last few months our relationship is not working well. We keep arguing a lot over small issues. Now I feel I want to get rid of her. I don’t want to continue my relationship with her any more. But I guess she is very possessive about me and does not want to leave me at any cost. Please help me.
Ans. If she is possessive and both of you find it difficult to adjust to each other it might be better to call it off. You also have a long way to go before you marry and this is not the age for serious or non serious commitments. Let’s assume that you do prolong this relationship further and take it deeper. Then rather than having a troubled marriage from the start itself it would be wiser to break free now. That involves least hassles and least complications. Just gather your guts and tell her one day very politely that it is over from your side. Do not give in to her tantrums if she throws them. Tell her it is affecting your studies and your peace of mind and that you have high goals to pursue. This is hardly the time for such alliances.
ST
Q. I am a 30 year married lady and have two kids. I am having severe problems adjusting with my in-laws and even worst is to adjust with my husband. I am from a nuclear family and I’ve married in a joint family. My husband doesn’t support me, whenever there is a fight or argument in the family. I feel so left out. My husband is the youngest child at home and even though he knows that his family members are wrong, he never supports me. I never get enough money to spend and I don’t like asking my parents. What should I do?
Ans. The best way is to develop independent relations with your in-laws and not through your husband. There are ways of managing people however difficult they may be, until and unless they have some sort of mental illness. Learning the ropes of a joint family should not an impossible task if you are educated and an intelligent woman. You could learn some lessons from a friend. Communicate with your mother-in-law more often and treat her as you would your own mother and see the effects. If that does not work it is unfortunate. I am sure they are reasonably intelligent and humane people, you need to understand their needs and manage them. About your husband we would need more details to know the type of discord both you face and then decide the line of action. If he has unholy habits it is a miserable life for you or if he had personality disorders then too you are in deep trouble. Other than that things can be managed.
