“Live in the present and in reality”-1 November 2015.

S.K

Q. I was in true love with a girl for 3 years when I was doing my engineering. We were in a relationship since first year itself and everything was going well. We both were deeply in love with each other and we had reached a state where we could not live without each other. We were mentally as well as physically close to each other. Suddenly, when we were in third year she asked me for a breakup. When I asked her the reason she gave me lame excuses like we are not compatible with each other and so on. When we were in a relationship she said that even though her parents would be a bit against our marriage, she would make them understand and they would agree for it. She was very confident and sure about it. But now she says her parents won’t allow for this marriage. She told me that in coming two years her parents would get her married. When I asked one of her cousin sisters about this thing, as she knew about us, she said that she wouldn’t be getting married in two years. So, this proved that it was a lie. More over her sister told me that she used to talk with another guy and she even liked him.  Listening to all these things I was shattered. I don’t understand why she would do this to me. Her reasons left me confused. I tried a lot but somewhere deep in my heart I’m not able to forget her. Please help me out with it.

Ans. This happens all the time. People change their minds and want to leave but make excuses without giving the real reasons. Many times they feel the real reason would hurt the feelings of other and hence make up stories. What you need to understand is that ‘she has dumped you’ and that is a reality. The earlier you recognise this truth and the earlier you accept it the better it is for you. ‘Getting dumped’ is a common experience and perhaps hundred percent people go through this experience. You like someone and that one does not. Someone likes you and you do not like the other. She liked you earlier and now thinks differently about you. So that is the game of interpersonal reality. At least she was honest in telling you that she wants to break-up. Thank her for that! Do not despair. Cheer up. Life is big and beautiful.

R.D

Q. I am 19 years old doing MBBS. Ma’am my problem is related to my cousin brother who is 9 Years elder to me. I love my brother a lot and we share a very strong bond. But now things have changed. He is going to get married to a girl who is just not made for him. He is doing this just because his family members like that girl. She is just opposite of my brother. She is narrow-minded and conservative. But my brother is fine with this marriage and he says he has adjusted with her.  But I know what his expectations were for his marriage and all this happened so fast that he couldn’t even inform me about this. I was shocked to know about this marriage and I asked him to break this relation because I knew that he has sacrificed a lot in his life and has had great expectations about his marriage. Since this marriage has been fixed, my brother and I have been fighting a lot. What should I do?

Ans. Firstly, stop fighting with him and wish him well. He is a grown up man and knows what he is doing. It seems you do not approve of the girl and find them to be a mismatch. You are wondering why he is agreeing for it. Whatever may be his compulsions or his basis for deciding you do not know about the truth. The best thing is to accept his decisions and wish him well. Even if you do not like the girl make peace with her and treat her well. You are fighting because the distance between you and your brother will grow but once he is married you will be second priority and she will be first. So stop complaining.

A.P

Q. One of my best friends is in difficult situation. He loves a girl very seriously who is also my best friend. But she is already in a relationship with someone else. And she is happy with that relationship. But my friend wants her to be his life partner as he loves her very much. And he keeps on thinking about this all the time which is affecting his studies. We are all 20 years old. Please suggest whether he should move on, or try convincing her to be a part of his life.

Ans. He should move on and look elsewhere for a girl. He should involve in sports and games and other physical hobbies. Ask him to stop being a ‘majnu’ and a loser but to be hero of his own life. Tell him to stop dreaming and to live in reality. Send him for counselling if he does not recover.