“Love both your parents”- 15 June 2014


Q. My dad is a professional and my mother is a housewife. Before marriage my father was in a relation with another aunty but they did not marry. That lady became a widow after five years. Later we heard she tried committing many times but my father saved her so that she could lead a normal life. Today she have 21 years and 16 years girl child which is of her husband. My mom-dad have 2 girl child. My dad always talk about aunty & used to tell Mummy she do this, she is like this and bla-bla-bla this resulting my mom-dad’s relation becoming weak. My mom is very upset with all this and me and my sister do not want to stay with my parents. My mother also talks of ending her life so that father can be free and do what he likes. I don’t want to leave my parents. I want them to stay together. Please help. What should I do?

Ans. It is unfortunate that after 2 decades of marriage your parents have not bonded with each other perfectly. There is a third lady in between them. This is the immaturity on the part of your father and your mother is a sufferer. However after so many years of marriage your mother should also change her ways of behaving with your dad and behave more maturely. She should keep her mind calm and relaxed and not listen about the lady at all. She should tell your father not to talk about that woman at all. She should focus on you both and run her house well. She should cultivate good friends and have a fun time with them. If your father has not walked out of the marriage so far he never will. Let him do whatever he wants outside the home and tell your mother to stop fighting with father. They can compromise the situation in some way I am sure. You two also stop listening and interfering in their lives and lead your own lives with studies and friends. And remember to love both your parents. Better not to take sides, only when it is absolutely necessary.


Q. I am a 12 passed student, and a regular reader of your column in Hitavada newspaper. Before few days the results were declared and I have scored only 63.23% in board. These are very low scores as compared to my expectations. Not only in board but in other competitive exams also my performance is not so good. And this all has happened just because of my lack of practice. Mam i wanted to pursue B.Sc (Bachelor of science in research field) but never tried seriously for that, and now I am regretting for this neglect. Due to such low scores I won’t be able to get admission in any research institute. So my parents are saying to think seriously about plain B.Sc. as career option. I asked them, that I will take drop this year and will definitely score good the next year, so that l will get admission where I want. I also said my mum that I want to do my career in pure science, earlier she agreed for the decision of repeating this year. But now she is saying that just because of poor marks in physics and maths your % has dropped down, so how will you be able to cope with B.S. Mam due to all this I have totally lost my confidence. I want to give myself a last chance to prove myself in science field, and want to seek admission for B.Sc. Mam please help in taking decision, whether to repeat or to go with my parents advice.

Ans. This is a difficult choice to make and even more difficult to for me to suggest either way because your abilities and your personality are the decisive elements. If you have a high ability and are disciplined and hard working and promise yourself that you score a specific high goal you can certainly take a drop and re-appear. But if you are otherwise then your parents option is better to get admitted and work hard and get into the college of your choice in post graduation. You need to do some hard introspection about yourself. Be very honest with yourself.


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