‘Make a wise decision’- 10 July 2011
Q. Recently I broke up with my girlfriend, with whom I was in a relation of about three years. I had known more than a year ago that she was not the one for me and both of us would not remain happy in the long-term. However I did not have the courage to tell her that and I dragged on for many months. Besides, we had an inter-caste problem. I became the bad guy who broke everything and she declared that she would never be happy again in her life. This is making me feel guilty. Have I done the wrong thing and how should I move on from here?
Ans. This can happen between two people where one person is still in love and the other runs out of it. Breaking the bad news is a difficult task but has to be done one day or another. The manner in which you break the news is equally important. One should not blame or accuse but simply put it across politely and sensitively. I hope you apologised and sympathised and did not hurt her with aggression. You have the right to break a relationship if you feel it won’t work in the long run. You also have the right to get going with your life in a normal fashion. Let her take care of yourself and do not enquire or interfere with her life. Go your own ways.
Q. Since three year I know a person who loves me and I also love him. He is a manager in a reputed company but he is already married and he has two children. He never force me for physical relationship, he always help me and my family. All relatives and family members know him but nobody knows our relationship. But last year he told his father and wife he didn’t stay more with his wife and he will marry with me. So can I marry with him if he will not give divorce his wife? Please give me some advice. He also supports me for my studies. I am doing CS and my age is 24 years. He is 32 years. Please help me as to what I should do?
Ans. This is a complex situation. A married man cannot marry twice according to the Hindu Marriage Act and Special Marriage Act. For it amounts to bigamy and his wife can go to the court of law for justice, in which case your marriage (if you marry him) will stand null and void. That will harm your relationship and you will not find the peace and happiness that you are looking for. The best thing to do is for him to seek divorce from his wife and then marry you. Another option is for you to be just friends and eventually you should marry someone else who is suitable for you. You should tell him that clearly. But first take a rational view about the entire situation and then take a wise decision about your life.
Q I am a student of 12th std. Till 10th I was a brilliant student. I always topped in my class and scored about 95% in SSC. But I am facing a big problem this year. I am not able to concentrate on my studies well and grasp the concepts easily- at time I even think that my IQ level must have decreased!! I feel really nervous. I am also not scoring good in my coaching classes. The vast course of HSC and entrance exams is making me nervous. I’ve developed a “fear of failure”. I am really worried about my score if the same thing continues. I really want to score good and have a bright future. Please guide me.
Ans. This could happen for two reasons- either you have chosen the wrong subjects in std 12th for which you have a low aptitude and hence find it difficult or else your mind is disturbed as you build up your anxieties and your fears and lose concentration. The exact nature of the problem needs to be identified and then treated. You were a good student in 10th std and you should have continued being one in 12th too. Identify the problem objectively and solve it accordingly. Or else come for psychological consultation and guidance for career planning.