“Make proper choices in life”- 15 January 2012
Q. I’m 19 years old. I passed my SSC with 83% and HSC(science) with 67%. I’m an engineering 2nd year student of Nagpur University. My problem is that I’m unable to pass my engineering examination. I failed in 3 subjects in my 1st year. I reappeared for those papers but could not make it. Now that I’m in 2nd year in my 3rd semester I again failed in 4 subjects out of 5. Now I have a burden of 13 subjects including those I’ve failed and 4th semester. What should I do mam? Should I leave engineering or should I continue because it’s too late for me to leave it now as its almost 2 years? Moreover I do not enjoy or even feel like studying engineering subjects. I find them very tough. Whenever I sit for studying I either fall asleep or start day-dreaming. Also I’m feeling too guilty for disappointing my parents each and every time. They are very supportive and are too much worried about my future. I hate myself. I find no solutions to my problems. Please help me madam.
Ans. Yes, you might seriously consider dropping out of engineering as it seems to be a wrong choice of study. You say that you find it tough and boring as well and may not pass the exams as you find no interest in them. But before you finally drop out of engineering please take an aptitude test and career guidance to decide the choice of study. After you are clear of your aptitude and interest you may drop out and make a correct choice. Convince your parents to help you out with this procedure of career planning. You could call me for an appointment after they agree.
Q. I am 18 years old girl and I am studying engineering. I stay at my maternal uncle’s house with my brother and mother. Due to some problem I had to leave my dad’s house after my 10th, my brother was in 12th..! There has been a drastic change in my life after that- I suffer from lack of confidence and I am very sensitive too. I don’t have any financial problem as such. My uncle has a liking towards street dogs and we have to suffer a lot for that. People nearby are also very fed up of that. We have nearly 5 to 7 street dogs in our premises an I am really get frustrated seeing the nuisance they cause. I stay outside because of study but my mom and my brother have to stay here. My mother gets very irritated because of this. I am already depressed because I am unable to give my best in my studies and this problem is giving more trouble to me. I am already unable to forget the incident that took place in my life when I was in 10th. Please give me a solution. I truly feel extremely frustrated.
Ans. This is a sad story of your life that you had to leave your father’s home and go to stay with your uncle. You state that the specific incidence of that year still haunts you and upsets you. That episode and the life style of your uncle disturbs you a great deal. His love for stray dogs irritates your mother as well as you. Let’s consider the positive aspects of your life. One fact that strikes the mind is that your uncle has been kind enough to provide shelter all three of you after you left your father’s home. He seems to be a kind man and may have an unusual hobby but he is helpful and caring sort of person. You could be grateful to him for taking care of all of you and also try to take interest in his life and hobbies. Ask him questions about being a dog lover and participate in the activities related to the dogs. You might grow to love the animals yourself one day! Be with him and appreciate him for whatever he is and learn to accept his goodness. You will see another change in your life for the better.
Q. I am a student of class XI. I am in a relationship with a guy from the past 6 months. My problem is that he is too protective and is impatient. He can’t stand any single thing I do, whether it’s about making friends with my choice or even using my social networking site
account. Everything has to be approved by him first. I feel like I have lost my freedom. I just can’t walk out of this relationship because I love him, so all I do is sacrifice and listen. He is never ready to talk about this. I have lost all patience when it comes to him. Plus I have become insecure and keep thinking that I am losing him. I think maybe he is irritated even though he denies that and says he loves me. This has lead to sleepless nights and poor
concentration in studies. Please help.
Ans. You are too young to be tied up to a dominating guy. He will stunt your growth and make you a dull girl. You must be having parents and then why do you want another ‘daddy’? You need good friends who help you develop and grow into good human beings and not another guardian. Even some fathers may not be that dominating and may give enough freedom to think and make choices. Making choices, learning from mistakes, becoming independent in thought and action is a hallmark of a good personality. If he does not allow you that then you should re-think your choice of friendship and make better choices in future.