“Anger and depression could be two sides of the coin”-1 January 2012

S.

Q. I am a 2nd year B.E student. I have a problem that I get angry too much on small things and I am unable to trust people. I am always afraid that people are ditching me usually my loved ones. I don’t listen to their problems. I am usually a non smoker but when I get stressed too much I use cigarette to reveal it and I am having suicidal thoughts every time. Please help me.
Ans. Anger can be caused by many things conscious and unconscious – within you. As you state that you are unable to trust people and are always afraid that your loved ones will ditch you. This tells us a lot about your past experiences at home and with significant relatives. Either it is a bad experience with a girlfriend (she may have ditched you after promising the moon) or you have many bad memories haunting you from your childhood about bad relationships. Perhaps you never had a good and trusting mother who provided you that sense of security that children need. Deprivations in good mothering can lead to a lot many emotional problems. Try and analyse your causes and then resolve them one by one. About smoking cigarettes for stress reduction I would suggest you should stop this habit as it might lead to addiction and further depression. As you already have suicidal thoughts you might be having depression and that may also be the cause of depression. So, one thing does lead to another in the mind. You should seek counselling as soon as possible and get treated for your problems.

Anonymous.

Q. I am a student of medical college. I am in love with a guy who was my
classmate. We talk and chat with each other daily but I am not sure about his love for me. He never talks to me about this topic. But sometimes I think that he too loves me. What should I do now? Should I tell him about my feelings?

Ans. Boys many times react very strangely to the girl expressing her feelings and making the first move. It is a traditional society and the traditional custom is for the man to make the first move. They think the privilege is theirs! So if you do the initial talking, you might run the risk of being misunderstood. It is unpredictable how your friend might react in specific but the general trend is the same age old one even today. So wait for him to say something. Meanwhile enjoy his company and the friendship and keep it going.

ABC.

Q. I am attracted to a colleague of mine. He is very good with work and all that. He shows interest in me and helps me very much. He makes hints about his feelings and he likes me and I do not say anything to him. He belongs to other caste and poor background. My parents will not accept him anyhow. What should I do? He is good boy and hard working. He is ambitious too to reach heights in career. Please guide me.

Ans. This is for you to make a decision- a difficult one. You either value the quality of the individual and ignore his family background or consider both the person and his family and socio-economic background. You like the person and find him valuable and lovable but your parents would want all the factors to prevail. They will not agree to a compromise with his family background. Most parents would not agree if the disparity is significantly high. If the difference is slight and manageable they might ignore it too. Caste is another major issue in the minds of Indians. Again the difference could be considered to be a minor issue or a major one depending upon the specific castes of both of you. Another aspect you might consider in making a decision is the level / strength of your feelings for the guy. Are they intense and passionate or just a moderate level emotional feel-good state? A second aspect you might consider is why you would like to make a compromise with his background. If you have some minus points or if he has some exceptional points the equation could balance out and a decision could be made. That would be a rational choice in that case.